Fearful Hope
by GraspingBlu
Summary: When life destroys all hope can fairy tales of youth save us or damn us to worse places with fearful hope? She had lost her mother, Bella, could Elizabeth stand to lose the family from her mother s stories, the Cullen's, or let them in? AU COMPLETE
1. The run

Fearful Hope

It is the longing for the stories we are told as children to be true, to come true. But when life destroys all hope can the fairytales of youth save us or do they damn us to worse places with fearful hope? She had lost her mother could Elizabeth stand to lose the family from her mother`s stories, the Cullen`s, or even try to let them save her?

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_**NOTE: Major Character DEATH! Don't read if that bothers you. The story gets way less depressing after the third chapter! If you don't want to be depressed continue to the forth chapter and you wont really miss much content just the back story. Sides you can read it later if you like the fic! Please give the story a chance to get good before you put it down! Thanks!  
**_

Chapter One:

The run

BPOV

_Am I truly blind to things that contradict what I want? She hid this from me... I know that but how could a mother not see her child in so much pain? I chose this for us and never even thought it possible that he would hurt her. I am truly a horrifying thing. No wonder he...._

Bella`s thoughts hit the familiar wall and her arms wrapped around her chest trying to hold back the remembered pain. It had lessened when her daughter was born but it would never fade when her features were that of Matthew`s and not Edward`s. The soft amber eyes that haunted her every dream were replaced by deep blue ones though beautiful, a reminder that Edward was gone. Matthew had filled the place of her lost love but only to supply the physical pain that matched the much deeper emotional pain of Edward`s possession of her heart and soul.

She was leaning against the doorway of her daughter`s room trying not to picture anything, not his face or the events that she was blind to; events that had happened in this room. Elizabeth had gone to school early and Bella was alone in the house like most mornings. Only today she didn`t enter her garden, that rivaled the one in her dreams, instead she began to pack up to flea the man that she had thought had loved their daughter. Bella managed to force herself back into the near numb state that had let her survive.

****

Looking up at the house she had lived in for fourteen years tears trekked down her impassive face as she realized this had never been home. It was with swift movements that she entered her car and drove to remove her daughter four hours early from school and run. Bella knew that he would come for them it was inevitable, she was his and nothing would change that. _Goodbye Matthew, you were right I never loved you. How could I when you could hurt our daughter!_ These parting thoughts did nothing; Bella was still responsible for not protecting her beloved Elizabeth, Ez. She would never be able to change the past only make up for it now and help her daughter heal.

The drive was over before long and Bella pulled into the parking lot barely aware of where she was. Her thoughts danced in her head, this was the right action but what would it cost? She was pulling her daughter from the only place and people she knew. Elizabeth didn't have many friends but she was known by most everyone. This place was the closest thing to home that Ez had and Bella was going to take that from her just as her husband had destroyed the girl`s innocence.

Bella looked out of the windshield and pain washed over her as she remembered an old school similar to this one. Did Ez have that here? Or was this just a place to escape her father? Parking her car and walking up to the office of the small middle school, Bella schooled her face once more.


	2. Where to go when home is no longer

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 2:

Where to go when home is no longer

Bella POV

We had been driving for hours now and Ez still had yet to turn away from the window and talk to me or even acknowledge my existence. I had expected her to react, and this lack of any thing was beginning to really bother me. It brought horrible questions to my mind over and over again. Had he completely destroyed her from the inside out? Was I too late? Or by taking her away from everything she knew I had finally completed the task of my husband. Husband. The words just felt wrong and filthy.

Reaching out for the radio I got my first response from Elizabeth. She flinched away from me like I was going to grab her and hurt her. This thought had tears streaking down my face before I was aware of all of the pain I felt from that instinctual reaction. Quickly I pulled over and parked the car always aware of possible danger when Ez was in the car with me.

"I`m sorry mom," she said softly, "I wasn`t paying attention to where I was or who was with me and I thought that you were dad." Ez had tears running down her young face. Quickly my hand shot out to brush them away from her beautiful face, trying to get rid of her pain and knowing that this had scratched the surface. That from now on she would talk to me, she knew that I knew what he had done and that I would protect her. I was joyous and heart broken, my daughter knew far too much about pain and yet she was willing to heal and to let me help in that process. I had my daughter`s love and that was all that I needed.

"No honey, I`m sorry." I whispered, "I let this happen. I chose not to see that he was hurting you. I chose to let him be apart of our lives even though he hurt me. I have done so much wrong by you." It had been a hurried breath that I had managed to get all that out. "I love you so much Ez and I didn`t see this. But I promise you that I will keep you safe for as long as I live you will be protected and safe and happy." I finished.

"Mom?" Ez asked in the small voice, "Will he be able to find us?" I wanted to scream 'No! Never!' but how could I lie to my baby when it would not do the good I wish for?

"I will do my best to get you as far from him as possible. I will make arrangements that ensure your safety. He will try... you know your father doesn`t give up easily but neither will I." I answered. She looked relieved that I had not given her a simple and false answer but a real one.

I looked at my little girl and realised that she was so much older than the thirteen years that her life had spanned. Her experiences aged her but also that brilliance of her mind added to that maturity. She was wearing lose jeans and a dark blue long sleeved shirt with a black hoodie over it. Her face was paler then most but a close shade to my own, her dark hair near black and limp around her face. It was the contrast between the dark hair and pale skin that made her piercing blue eyes pop. She was beautiful but her pain clouded that beauty. I must look about the same. In time her eyes will glow again like they did when she was small and it was raining just enough to dance in the rain without getting too cold. I let my mind stay in those happy memories; life would be like that again.

"Where are we going mom?" She asked curious about our new life. I hadn`t thought this far, my happy memories faded and once again the world pressed in on me. Where should we go, other than far away?

"What do you think Ez? We could go to Alaska?" I teased, before thinking of my words as the familiar pain of longing hit me. It was nothing compared to the current emotions running through my body but I still felt its weight. She looked at me and thought carefully and I decided that our new home would be her choice.

"Where? I think we should... go to the opposite coast." She said softly worrying about my response. I had told her fairytales of the west coast more specifically of a small town called Forks. I knew we couldn`t go to Forks because it would be obvious, Matthew would be there in days.

"Okay." I said careful not to dismiss this idea out right. "How about a little down the coast from Forks?" I asked trying not to step on Ez`s desire to be near the place of all of her bedtime stories. She grinned and nodded, her excitement was mine in moments and we pulled out a map of the west coast. Fear managed to stem the good times and I started to pull the car back onto the road to get moving again, he could be on to us by now.

After a little bit of discussion we had settled on Fern Hill, Oregon near the Washington border. We would be heading closer to the life I left sixteen years ago then I had ever thought I could handle. It didn`t look too big but it what Ez wanted she said that fewer people was just fine with her. Who was I to disagree, even if it seemed safer for us to be in a big city where the police were large and could help us if we got into trouble? Right now it was all about heal Ez and this would make her happy and I would make it safe for her to be there just to see her smile.

****

Ez wanted to drive through the most states on our way so we took the I-80 W and I-84 W. I would take a small detour into Colorado making our state total a whooping twelve. A twelve step journey to getting away from Matthew: and starting our own lives. It was a four day drive once I factored in our detour and the sleeping arrangements. Since we had been driving for most of today that meant that they were only three days left. Ez had fallen asleep nearly two hours ago, she seemed exhausted. It had to be freeing to know that she was far from her father's grasp. I was beginning to calm as well, looking for a place for us to sleep tonight, knowing that my little girl was going to sleep peacefully.

Finally a motel appeared and I pulled into the small parking lot and for a moment wondered if Matthew had phone motels asking if we were there. The thought sent shivers down my spine, he might do just that but it was of little concern of mine. We would be gone from here soon enough.

"Mom?" Ez mumbles stirring slightly. I looked over and realised that I was being silly.

"We're here honey. Come on unless you want to sleep in the car?" I ask gently knowing she would smile at my comment. The smile that flashed across her face did not last long enough to completely appease me.

We walked into the office and paid for a room and were on our way in a few minutes. It was cleaner then I had expected which was unsettling, what had they been trying to clean away that a motel room this cheap was this clean? I snapped myself out of that line of thought quickly; I could tell that Ez was too tired to care about clean vs. too clean. She passed out still dressed, I went to the car and got the bags we would need in the morning and as I was walking back to the room I knew that this would be the new beginning for us. Changes were coming and I knew that it was time to bend to them instead of fighting.


	3. Sacrificing everything for love

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

****

Chapter 3:

Sacrificing everything for the one you love most

BPOV

It had taken longer then I thought to find the Cullen's. Just thinking their name causes the hole in me to throb but I had long ago gotten used to the pain thoughts of them brought me. Why did this have to happen? Elizabeth. All this pain was so she would be born. I knew that and I love her with all my heart but still I long for them... even at the cost of my perfect daughter. I was a monster a horrible thing to think that. But it was the truth of my heart and nothing could change that.

But none of it mattered I had found them and so had sent a letter to them nearly two weeks ago. They had been living in Ely Minnesota for three years. I had been so close to them and not known I had driven passed them to leave Matthew, again they were in the center of my life. Instead of bringing comfort to me it swelled into a deep despair at how close and yet how far I was from being in their lives again.

I had sent the letter express but I was unsure of the post and their answer so I gave them time to consider it. To consider my worth to them twenty-four years after they left me. I knew there was a huge chance that I was going to be meeting no one and that scared me more then begging them to help me. Breathing slowly and concentrating on the road I tried to get passed my nerves and arrived at the restaurant I had asked them to meet me at in their home town. I could hardly notice the beauty of this place as I shut off the car and walked into the restaurant prepared to be heart broken.

"I have reservations" I said softly glancing around to see if they were here. The hostess looked surprised by my words and then smiled.

"You must be Bella!" She said with relief. She had me completely confused. Then she handed me an envelope addressed to me. "I'm sorry but this was left for you under our door this morning." She said obviously curious about the letter hoping I would open it there in front of her.

"Thank you" I mumbled as I left the restaurant, they weren't coming why else write a note? My heart felt heavy in my chest as I pondered what it could say and who had written it. As I got into my car and stared at the envelope I decided it didn't matter, they had said no. More importantly He said no. Tears began their hot slow trails down my face as I just sat there and tried to think of anything else that I could do to improve my Ez's life. I had failed yet again, this time it had been trust in those I loved. Sure they had left me and Ed... Edward no longer cared for me but surely Carlisle and Esme would help me. Perhaps I should have told them the reason that I needed to meet them. Maybe if they knew about my baby girl they would have come for her instead of failing me in my last hopes.

Guilt blossomed and I could no longer blame the innocent and perfect Cullen's for failing it was my fault. It has always been my fault. I wasn't good enough for them, for him and so they left. I was a burden to them now. I should not have bothered them in this matter it was not up to them to save me. I was selfish and stupid for coming here and making my demands of them. They had been nice enough to write me a letter to tell me in kind and caring words that they were no longer in my life. I opened the letter and after a moment my eyes read the typed words on the page...

_**Dear Bella,**_

_** I am glad to here from you, but I am unsure if it is best that we meet. Do not think that we do not miss you greatly and are glad you speak of happy times. I am also very impressed that you managed to find us so easily, you have always been extraordinarily bright. There is no doubt in my mind that you can solve any problem that has led you to seek our assistance. Forgive me that I could not deliver this message in person but it would be unwise to open old wounds.**_

_** Sincerely yours**_

_** EC**_

_**P.S.**_

_**Know that you have my love and the love of my family always**_

Perhaps it was the distance in the wordings or the clear lack of anything personal that cut most. I was entangled in his old style of speech thinking of how it would sound if he had actually spoken to me in person. I was confused but grateful for this letter; it would be a cherished item for me. He loved me in his way and so did his family although I was no longer apart of it he wished me well: knowing that though I loved to hear those words but that they did nothing to help me in this situation burned.

As I drove back to Ez I thought of new solutions to the problems that haunted me. Nothing worked out in my head, if I reported him all the evidence was gone and he would know where we were and come for us. I also couldn't put Ez through a trial. I am not a killer so there was no chance of me... harming him not matter how angry I am. There was nothing more I could do, but watch as my daughter screamed or jumped when people got to close too quickly. In the past four months I had slept in the same bed as Ez in order for her to sleep without dreams. While it was nice to be able to help her I hated that I could do nothing more, I watched my angel sleep and prayed for the day when she had healed enough to stand on her own.

****

It was four hours into the drive that the truck met my little car and took me from Elizabeth. My last thought was simply _How could I leave Elizabeth alone when she needed me so much? _


	4. Running

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_**NOTE: For those of you that skipped ahead to sum up, Bella died in a car accident and this EzPOV is Bella and her abusive husband (Matthew)'s daughter Elizabeth. Bella and Ez left Matthew when Bella found out he was abusing Ez. Bella went to the Cullens for help (she hunted them down and sent a letter) and Edward wrote a note in response basically saying no (he doesn't know what she needs help for) and then she died. Harsh yes but it makes the story. Sorry if that offends you. Please enjoy if not!**_

_**May**_

Chapter 4

Running

EzPOV

-three years later-

My breath caught in my lungs as I saw him coming after me. CRAP! I ran as fast as I could not thinking of my direction, when I ran into the street. The car missed me by inches as I froze in my place shocked at the near miss.

Shaking my head to come back to reality I noticed that he was far too close and that there were lots of people here.

"Help! He's trying to hurt me!" I screamed and ran to a woman that looked old enough to have children my age. I gave her scared eyes and began to fall to the ground with tears in my eyes. She reacted just the way I needed her too, she was screaming at him and making a huge scene about trying to hurt the defenceless poor girl! I was beginning to be able to breathe when I felt myself being lifted off the ground by someone behind me. I freaked and pulled away from the grip as hard as I could. Turning around I caught sight of the person trying to help me up. It was a young man just a few years older than me, with the greatest matte black hair.

"Gees, freak out much!" He said with a smile on his face. I laughed and hugged him before pulling away. I shook my head and turned to my latest victim. "Was he trying to hurt you baby sister?" He asked as I nodded my head looking like the biggest victim ever, "well I hope he gets arrested for attacking you!" he finished before taking a hold of me and pushing me down the street. It was the best rouse ever! I had managed to both rob him and humiliate him all in one act! Lovely!

Handing off the wallet to Daniel, once we were out of sight, I danced about the street like a nitwit. Daniel shook his head and laughed with me once he had the money in his own pocket. I looked at the picture and such in his wallet and laughed, it had a picture of a dog but no people!

"Look at this Dani! He must love that dog!" I cried out! It was too funny! I laughed at the look on his face when I said Dani, he hates that nickname. Handing me my small share of the take he smiled but said nothing. I was high from the chase and it bothered Daniel that stealing was merely a high to me. I had no need of money or much of anything. I was 'True Street' as he said which meant nothing to me but whatever. His sour expression brought me back to reality. He was hunting for another mark; he needed two or three every other day in order to survive. I barely needed one a week, but then again I wasn't into drugs, Daniel was a crack-head. Oh well it was all going to be fun tonight, I was going to eat like mad!

"Well looky here!" said a voice too creepy to forget, his name is Mark funny but not enough to say anything about. I turned and bowed my head to him, as did Daniel. You don't mess with Mark he had a tendency to go ape-shit on you; we were going to be cutting him in on tonight if he asked. I did my best not to frown, he was into dark stuff and I really didn't want to get on his bad side. "You working tonight?" he asked as if he didn't already know the answer to that, I nodded my head quickly. His deep laugh sent shivers through my spine as I tried to not show my panic and fear. "I think I'll be joining you two tonight, Beth can grab and return with your back up Daniel. I'll transfer and everything should go smooth." He said his eyes lingering far too long on me for my comfort. He was in a mood that meant ill but I couldn't do anything, not now anyway.

Mark was picking which meant he was hunting for girls, it was horrible to know that anything I brought him tonight would be just that, hand delivered by me. He was going to be picky but I was unsure of how not to get myself killed and yet no one else either. I just wasn't sure of how to act.

"I'm not feeling too good, Mark. I might not be the best to grab..." I started as his eyes turned to me filled with cold rage, "I think I might only last an hour out here." I added resentfully. He nodded as Daniel looked at me, it always seemed as though he knew why I did things, and tonight I wasn't sure if he approved of me.

Not much later Mark chose his mark, ha-ha, and I followed her gently. I was taken back she was lovely, black hair, spiked out around her head, pale skin, lovely amber eyes. She was slight and looked like she was alone for the moment, not good for her. No one came up to her for the five minutes I tailed her to make sure she was viable. I nodded to Daniel and started to walk faster, I loved to pickpocket it was a rush but I worked on instinct which made it so I had to get close and just do. It was cool but I hated to not know if I was going to succeed.

I gently bumped into her and gasped, looking up at her shocked as though she had only just suddenly appeared and blushed apologising and quickly walking away from her in the same direction we had been heading before. I had her wallet, it was good and bad. I handed it to Mark as I looked out making sure that no one noticed us. The girl passed me as Mark handed me her wallet. I knew he had more than just money but there was nothing I could do about that as I headed out again: I made sure my pace was brisk and that I got in front of her again.

We were both stopped at the intersection when I went to return and my hand was caught almost immediately. I was shocked, staring up at the man that was now holding my hand in his cold grasp. My eyes were insanely wide and my breath was only coming in spurts as he stared at me fiercely.

"Jasper?" a soft voice said from barely in front of me, I turned and realised it was my mark. "Oh!" her mouth formed a small O as she looked from her wallet in my hand to my face. I was in the hole now; it was odd to be both pleased and scared out of my mind. Mark would have no girl from me but I might be going to jail. Dang that put a damper on my eat fest! He took the wallet from my hand and looked inside it, eyes looking at me harshly. Well carp on a stick this was going to be interesting.

"No blood, no foul?" I asked trying desperately to keep the panic out of my voice. The money was gone, I knew that but not having theirs on... crap I had money I had money to eat tonight. I bowed my head and took the money I had out of my lower pocket and went to hand it to him. Sadness filled me at the thought of no food... well edible food tonight. It had been weeks since I had had a nice meal not just something cheap. My head snapped up when he let go of my hand and yet didn't take the money in the other.

"I am not about to take your money." He said with a soft smile on his lips. What the heck? I mean really? I was so confused and elated that I laughed with him. My eyes were ecstatic! FOOD! "You're an odd kid!" he stated once I stopped laughing. I nodded, then realised that even if Daniel wasn't coming to my help he was with Mark and that meant I was in deep shit for having messed up a simple return. My heart shattered when I realised he would kill me; this messed up his plans for tonight. Fear flashed through me, I had to make this look different I had to be in shit or I might not live through tonight.

"Can I go now?" I said flatly but it was obvious to him that my emotions had gone dark. I wanted to cry, scream, beg but he was watching. It brought every memory of hell back to me. I was not going to let that happen again. No. I would die first. Yes he can't touch me if I am not here to be hurt! Okay death might be a bit much but death or rape... I chose death, any day. The girl looked a little off for a second then she was gasping and staring at me. I started to back away from her and the guy. What the hell was with these people? Not being mad for attempted robbery, not taking my money when hers was gone and then well it was too weird.

"What's...?" he asked her as she gaped at me, I turned and ran. I didn't hear her answer and for some reason I think she knew something about me... I don't know what though. It was too weird I ran until I could run no more. I gasped and slowed and sat at a bench near the walkway over the bridge. I wrapped my arms around my knees, I always sat like this when I try and think.

She was weird, him too but really they didn't hurt me. I was fine right? Except for Mark, in that area I was up the creek with no paddle and a sinking boat. Okay I know swearing is normal but I don't like harsh words, it reminded me of the past. My mind went to my mom and her husband. I blanched. Okay the guy that spawned me was a better choice of words, my mom didn't love him love him so yeah...

I remember her smile and laugh best, it was so rare. The few months we were free I heard it but she had to force it out. I jumped out of my skin a lot then. I was a rather freaked out kid. Well when your dad... I am not going there. Rape is horrible and it destroys pieces of yourself that you never get back. I would never let anything like that happen again. I promised mom that the day she never came back.


	5. Losing home

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 5

Losing Home

APOV

I had seen nothing of her stealing my wallet or returning it! It made no sense; she had to have been planning it for a while. I leaned into Jasper's shoulder as I watched the girl run from us.

"What did you see?" Jasper asks as he wraps his arms around me, I usually felt better with him this close to me. I leaned into him more and took a breath to answer his question.

"She's going to..." I paused the words kill herself stuck in m throat, "jump off the Stanley Bridge." I finished the pause unnoticeable to a human ear. But we weren't human and Jasper knew the pause well, he tightened his grip on me. I loved that he knew me so well, I felt much better as he held me. "I think I've seen her before, in an older vision that made no sense." I thought out loud. "she was touching things in a house before she left it forever, saying goodbye. But I don't know why I would have a vision of her before now." I finished confused at this odd anomaly.

"Perhaps we know her." He said in his quiet way, I bobbed my head and hunted for the girl's future she was sitting on a bench looking out at nothing. It was surprisingly easy to find her. Relief filled me, she was still alive. "Should we really interfere with her life Alice? She's obviously homeless and a thief. We might just put her in danger of something worse than what she plans." Jasper looked down at me with his eyes telling me that her choice to end her life mattered too. I nodded and decided that I was going to save her life and let her go.

Suddenly a cold feeling went through me, I knew that Jasper had moved me to the side of the walkway but my mind focused what I was seeing. It was dark but I could easily see the girl being held against the wall by a man that looked homeless but there was something more sinister in him then the girl.

"You let her notice you! Liz all you had to do was return her wallet, you managed to get it away from her. But no, what did you think this stupid little mistake would stop me from getting what I want?" the man laughed at the girl, Liz, that he held against the wall. He smacked her hard across the face, but Liz only fought harder.

"What did I mess up your evening Mark? Like you killed mine. Well whatever, you'll get nothing from me." Her voice was sarcastic and empty. Mark beat Liz until she couldn't fight back then...

I forced myself out of the vision and fell into Jasper sobbing tearlessly. He was right worse things could happen to her if we saved her only to have that happen. I looked up into his eyes and tried to calm myself.

"I hate being right." He said in disgust, I knew he had hoped that he was wrong. I had too, but no this was worse. I pushed myself to my feet.

"We can't let that happen to her! Liz was just trying to save me from him! She doesn't deserve to be..." my voice faded as Jasper held me to his chest. I would not let her get hurt for saving me from a man that had he tried would have failed.

"What do you suggest Ali?" he asked truly ready to act on my words. I thought carefully, she had to be safe from him. Could we get her out of town, off the street, where would she be safe? Another vision pressed on my mind and soon I was back home walking beside Liz as she made her way into our home.

"Just think of this as home!" I exclaimed, and Liz looked at me like I was nuts.

"Sure, just like my other house." She replied flatly, looking at everything around her. She looked like she was nervous and out of her depth.

"Honestly we don't bite!" I said looking at her nerves. She nodded and tried to smile but it came out more as a grimace. She followed me as I led her to one of the guest rooms. "I redesigned this room only a few months ago, I hope you like it. If not I can always make it over again for you, Ez." She looked at me like I had grown another head but nodded as I opened the door...

"I think I have a solution now to set it in motion." I said pulling out my cell phone and asking Esme and Carlisle if they minded us having a visitor in the house.

****

EzPOV

I finally managed to get my body moving again after getting lost in memories. My heart ached but it mattered little the fall would kill me. No need to stretch out when I was going to be dead in a few minutes. That was a little more morbid then normal for me, but it was true. I had no other options, I would be seen leaving the city and no shelter would protect me against Mark. I was out of options, which meant a simple job from a high place. Water just meant no clean up for some poor city worker. I am nothing if not helpful.

The walk to Stanley Bridge was nice so I took my time and enjoyed the stroll. My last, okay I had to stop thinking about that carp. I began to jog to the bridge and my mind stop focusing on stupid things like my impending death. There was a light breeze that grew the closer I got to the bridge. I let myself sprint the last bit; it was up the side of the bridge where my favourite perch was. Climbing over the railing to sit facing the water I cleared my head and enjoyed the view. The sun was long gone but the lights playing off the water were just as beautiful. I just watched for a little while thinking of nothing and just enjoying the moment. Then I heard this soft gasp and turned to look into the eyes of a startled and horrified woman. She was beautiful, I mean like a 50's movie star. Her hair was caramel and fell just over her shoulder; her face was kind even screwed up in horror. Oops no one was supposed to come-a-long and notice me on the wrong side of the railing about to jump, great. It would probably mess her up real bad if I just jumped now in front of her.

"Please don't jump!" she begged as she took a step towards me. I couldn't move as I tried to figure out how to get this woman out of here and jump.

"I wasn't going to jump." I replied in a soft tone, "I was just looking at the lights on the water and wanted a better view." I finished, it was the best I could come up with. It was true that most nights I would come up here to look at them, just not tonight. Her eyes told me how little she believed me.

"Please come on the other side of the railing then." She asked taking another step towards me. Drat there was no way that I was going to do that. I mean she might go crazy on me and try to make sure that 'I got help'

"Aw come on. I'm not gonna jump lady!" I said knowing that she wasn't fooled, if I had been looking out at the night I would have come over the railing to come them down. Even walk back into the city with them to make them feel better. Not tonight I knew that Mark was looking for me and that it wasn't safe to be in the city tonight.

"Please." She begged again moving towards me. I wasn't going to get away from her, she wasn't going to leave and I had no intention of jumping when she could see me fall. I stood and pulled myself over the railing and to safety feeling my heart drop. For this woman I had broken a promise to my mother, I hated myself for not just jumping but knew I would scar her with my death. It was not the final act I wanted.

"See." I said softly, "I wasn't gonna jump. I just wanted to look at the lights from the best spot in the city." I mumbled. She had reached out midway through and hugged me to her chest. I felt safe in her arms, they felt like moms. Tears ran down my face as I thought of her, I tried so hard to be something you could love. I'm not sure I could have ever succeeded but I had tried.

"Thank you." She said as she let go of me. Her eyes looked deep into mine and the sadness in her eyes ripped me to pieces. She brushed away my tears and hugged me again. This time I held her back. It was nice to feel safe again. "But please promise me you won't ever try to take your life again." She said fiercely like a mother lion protecting her cubs. I nodded numbly; he would kill me for this. Or at least I would fight him and pray he kills me for it. But she need never know that I would die much worse for her actions.

"I wasn't going to jump, nor will I ever commit suicide." I said in a hollow but truthful voice. It was as close to the truth as I was going to get.

"Thank you." She said appraising me with a gentle look. "Would you like to get something to eat with me?" she asked without a trace of pity in her voice. My head shot up when I realized her voice had no awkwardness in it.

"Why not." I replied, "where? I like Mario's how about you?" thinking of the restaurant just before the bridge on the opposite side of the bridge from town. She nodded and we walked slowly away from the nightmare that awaited me. The longer I hid the more angry he would be hopefully his anger would be stronger then his desire for sex. I knew it wasn't going to be that nice but I could hope.

"My name is Esme, by the way." She said as we approached the door. I smiled it was an odd name, one I knew well, but it suited her. She kinda resembled... Nah. It was a story and stories aren't real, but she did fit the role of the mother of a family my mother had told me about often.

"Call me..." I hesitated, "my name is Elizabeth." It was true but no one had ever really called me by my full name. I smiled at her and we waited to be seated. It was odd to have company for my big once a month meal, but she was at ease and made me feel equal to her. I felt accepted only that didn't make sense; no one pulls a jumper into a meal and accepts them. Well Maybe Esme did, I appreciate her kindness, even if it was going to end my life and break a vow to my mother.


	6. Forfeited Life

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter six

Forfeited life

EsPOV

She looked like she wanted to run away, even as she finally relaxed into the chair and ordered. I was glad that she had let me talk her off the bridge; she deserved to have the opportunity at life and not have to give up having children. I smiled at her as she looked at the menu and began to get excited, it was easy to trade her joy for having to consume human food. Her smile was infectious and I was glad that she had not stayed in the horrible mood that had led her to the bridge in the first place.

When I first saw her I didn't believe Alice's warning that this girl was going to jump. She looked at piece and completely serene, I would assume jumpers looked frantic or unstable. I can image that I looked rather unstable before I jumped, but not serene. This girl knew what she was doing; she was saving herself from the man named Mark that Jasper and Alice were looking for.

"What were you running from up there on the bridge?" I asked trying to understand this girl, she looked so slight, and dirty. But mostly I could see a hole in her that caused her pain. She had melted into my arms like only one other human, I want nothing more than to protect Elizabeth from anyone that would harm her. Her eyes gagged my interest before dropping them to the table. She always seemed to search your face before answering; did people ask her questions and not expect her to actually answer? Or was it merely her unease showing. I was uncertain but I did not like the action, which told me enough.

"I.... A friend of a friend is kinda angry at me for messing up his night. I just wanted to forget about everything for a little while and get lost in the stars and lights dancing in the water." She replied I knew she had meant to jump, but still her truthfulness showed in her speech. It was a lovely view. But how could she be friends with some one friends with well a rapist? "You see I don't like him at all and he has a thing for being in control, I guess just crossed a line with him." She explained her eyes never leaving the menu in front of her. I understood now, he was someone that you don't cross, not a friend but some one she didn't want as an enemy. She had made him an enemy by getting caught returning Alice's wallet.

"I believe I understand." I replied softly. "it is hard not crossing a line that is put in place by someone controlling." Her eyes met mine as I spoke. Her eyes wide at my understanding of the situation she was in. "I realise your without a bed, would you be apposed to staying with me and my family?" I asked hoping that my desire was apparent. Her eyes grew wider as she realized my offer.

"That's very kind of you but I couldn't possibly..." she began but I cut her off.

"No, really I insist. You really must accept." I said in a rather firm but kind voice. She was shocked and a little taken back by my tone and command. I wouldn't leave her anywhere near him just in case Alice and Jasper didn't find him. She was not going to get hurt, or killed protecting Alice from this Mark. Her mouth opened and closed several times, no doubt trying to find reasons to say no that I would believe. Arching an eyebrow I looked into her eyes, she looked down and nodded her head. "Good! We have an extra bed just waiting for you. Though I hope you don't mind but I think you might wish to have a shower also?" I smiled as she nodded her head; her eyes told me that she loved the idea of a shower. I pondered how long it had been since her last, far too long. Oh well.

My phone rang, and I apologised and picked it up and Alice quickly told me they had caught Mark and handed him over to the police, well dropped him off. It was a relief to know that Elizabeth was safe from this monster.

****

EzPOV

I can't believe I agree to sleep at Esme's home with her family. I had to have lost my mind, no it was the safe haven that made me agree. How could anyone as sweet as her be harmful? She can be forceful though dang. It was too late now to try and get out of it. I was walking with her to her car.

About half way there I can tell that Esme wants to tell me about her family. I sat listening shocked.

"Well I should warn you that I have five teenagers Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmet and Edward. A good bunch really and my husband's name is Carlisle..." she would have continued but I was staring at her with wide eyes. It wasn't possible, no, not happening. Definitely lost my mind or maybe I died and went to heaven? She was listing the characters of my bed time stories, my mother had told my story after story of people, knights, and queens with these names. Esme and Carlisle were the parents of these five knights and ladies. I tried to control my expression and know I failed. "Is something the matter Elizabeth, you look a little unwell." She asked, I nodded before she could pull the car over and inspect me. I closed my eyes and began breathing in and out slowly calming my overactive heart. Wait, they were eternal in the stories, benevolent vampires! I looked over at Esme and realised that she had all the characteristics from the stories. If they know a werewolf named Jacob my head will explode.

The girl from today with Jasper looked like Alice. Oh who wants to bet that they are precisely who they say they are!? How did I not see this!? He looked exactly like Jasper and her Alice and Esme. But that meant that the stories were real! Is that where my mother went the day she died? She went to them to get them to help us? Why didn't they ever come for me? If Alice is able to see the future obviously she would see me? Wait why had I never met them?

Question after question filled my overcrowded mind. I was thinking about how I had snapped and gone nuts when we arrived at her home. It was a four story house, old but not over fifty years. It was beautiful but definitely not the white house that my mom had told me stories of. It was a nice little shock to see the blue house sitting in front of me.

"We're here. What do you think?" she asks me as she parks her car out front.

"It is beautiful." I said simply thinking of how much I wanted it to be the house my mother... did mom actually know these people? Or did she merely... no mom knew them. But how much of the story is true, vampires? Seems likely considering her face during dinner, wow I finally got out of the car and walked up to the front door not at all surprised when Alice met me there. I had definitely lost my mind. "Hi Alice, nice to see you again." I remarked in a monotone voice before sitting on the ground trying to figure out when I snapped. She for her part had a surprised little o shaped mouth. Apparently she hadn't seen me coming ha ha ha. "Sorry for robbing you didn't recognise you." I stated again far more calm then I actually felt. My head was doing somersaults.

"Um... are you okay?" Alice asks as I stare blankly out ahead of me. I laughed at this; I looked up at her drenched in moonlight and the light from within the house.

"Peachy. Just wondering when I snapped and lost my mind." I replied as her expression showed her shock and worry. "Don't worry about it; it's been a long time coming really. I am kinda impressed it lasted this long." I stated in an empty voice, I'm not sure where my emotions went but I guess they weren't anywhere near me.

"You haven't lost you mind, Elizabeth." Esme said she was knelling beside me, I wonder when that happened. I looked at her and smiled but she knew I didn't believe her. I was nuts not stupid.

"Why do you think you've gone crazy?" this was from Alice, I shrugged a good question I guess but not very original.

"Cause I'm here. I mean really this can't be really. I have just lost my mind and ended up in the place I long for most. I guess that means mom really aught to be here too, unless this is a nightmare." I said as I began to look around to see if she would pop out anywhere. She didn't it was a little disappointing I mean I could create this place and these people but not her? Why? I felt the hot tears as the fell from my eyes, lovely.

"Oh! Don't cry! Please don't cry!" Alice begged as she came towards me slowly. As if I would freak out if she got too close. Hardly, I might hit her for staying away. But right now I missed my mom too much to do much of anything. I felt Esme brush away my tears as I sat there unable to move. "It really wasn't supposed to turn out like this." Alice claimed as she sat down in front of me.

"Sorry to ruin your fun Alice." I whispered. The sound of her voice was perfect just like I had imagined, it hurt that she was so real and yet my mother was still gone. At this point this was as horrible as having him appear and steal me into the night. At this thought I grabbed on to Alice and Esme unwilling to believe he wouldn't just appear. Both we're startled by my sudden movements. But relaxed quickly after, I tried to feel safe here with them but I knew that like in my dreams he would win, he always won.

"How about we go inside?" Esme asked softly, again I think she was afraid that I would freak out on them. Well more then already, they were so like the stories it was unbelievable. That stopped me. I didn't have this strong an imagination. I could never create them so perfectly; they were from mom's memory not mine.

"Your real aren't you?" I asked my voice shaking. "She told me the stories were true just set in a place the was magical. I was small and it was better to have a happy ending then no ending at all. She always said that." I rambled on not really making any sense.

"We are really Elizabeth, I promise you. But who told you stories of us?" she asked finally realising that someone had told me stories of her family.

"My mother." I responded dumbly.

"Who's your mother?" she asked again, softly as if afraid and hopeful for a certain answer.

"Bella Swan, she died three years ago though." I replied using the name she liked and the name before his. Tears began to fall again. But now I could see that Esme and Alice shared the pain of my mother's passing with me. They sobbed and clinged to me as I did them, only I closed my eyes and let sleep have me sometime later.

****

-9 hours later-

"She will wake in 7 seconds." Alice said from some place to my left. I rolled to try and hit her for... I shot up and realised where I was and that last night was real. I stared at her my mouth hanging open. It hadn't been a dream!

"Nope no dream." She replied to my silent question. I wanted to dance, sing something to show my happiness. But instead I stared at her and saw her pain; she had only last night found out that mom was gone. I froze again.

"She died instantly, I read the report. Probably didn't feel a thing other then a flash of fear." I said trying to make it hurt less. I knew nothing I could say would do that but I wanted to try, no one had tried for me. "I'm sorry you had to find out so late." I said softly as she moved onto the bed and hugged me.

"You're so like her. Trying to make me feel better when you lost your mother, and I left her behind so long ago." She said still looking sad, I hugged her back. I had no idea what to do to make it better and really wished there was a way. I raised my eyes and realised that we were not alone, they all stood there all looking like they felt unimaginable pain. All but one, Edward was not here with his family. Where? I pushed the thought away. They all looked sad.

"Sorry." I said softly and each of them looked at me smiled badly and looked even sadder. I wanted to cry I had hurt them worse.

"You haven't hurt us; you're just so like your mother." Jasper told me, I tried to understand. My mother only ever acted like this towards me, she shied away from people afraid they might be like Matthew. I looked at him confused but said nothing, my mother had changed because of Matthew they didn't know that. Alice let go and looked a little sheepish for having clung to me.

"So you're all real?" I asked, trying to change the subject. Jasper and Alice laughed at me but mostly the sadness clung to the air. "So vampire's?" I asked this time their eyes all shot to my face. "Mom was never good at only telling half the truths when I begged and pleaded like the four year old I was." I explained. "Hey until now I thought it was merely a story my mom told." I shrugged.

"How much do you know Elizabeth?" Carlisle asked me in a soft voice. I thought about it, I probably knew a lot more then I thought I did.

"Do you go by Ez?" Alice asked me randomly and I nodded.

"Mom called me that, because I couldn't pronounce my own name and that was my first attempt" she thought it was hilarious and so called me that when it was just us." I responded, I really missed my mom.

"Can I call you Ez?" she asked a little more uncertain this time, I nodded. It sounded right when she called me Ez. She beamed at me and hugged me again.

"Can I ask an odd question?" I asked, and Alice and Carlisle nodded, "How does the story end? I mean mom only told the beginning and the middle. But she would always cry at the end and stop. I never pushed; I mean my mom was crying." I explained to them though no one asked.

"We left her." Rosalie said in a soft voice, I looked at her. "We all just left when Edward asked us to leave for her." I was stunned. Why would Edward leave? And what did it mean?

"Mom loved Edward. And you all left her?" I asked fear crawled through me. "And you never came back." I stated my voice cold. They left her to Matthew, it hurt to think of it that way. They said nothing to correct me. Tears fell from my eyes as I thought about what little mom had told me of her life. "She became friends with a boy named Jacob Black, only he left too. She lived for Charlie until she managed to pull herself out and went to college. He died shortly after that aneurism. She met Matthew there. My..." I stopped unable to say father. Alice held onto me. I gripped her hand in mine far harder then normal. "She let him led and followed mindlessly. Then he hurt her." I said simply, they had a right to know that mom had suffered, not because of them, without them. "He is a horrible man that I wish to die horribly for what he did to us." I said revelling in the fact that I meant my words. For far too long I thought he hurt me because I was a horrid little girl. None of them missed the us at the end. Alice held on to me tightly.

"We didn't know." Carlisle said softly, I could tell that what I said brought him great pain. It brought them all pain.

"Was she coming to you, the day she didn't come back?" I asked, I had started asking horrible questions and couldn't stop. "She told me she was going to our last hope. That would be you right?" I asked my voice trembling as I spoke. Esme came and sat on the bed with me and Alice wrapping her arms around me. I knew she was crying and took one of her hands in mine and rested my head on her shoulder, my tears staining her shirt.

"I don't know. Maybe..." Carlisle replied. "The pain you've gone through, I am so sorry." I heard the effort he placed into keeping his voice stable. I knew that this effort told of his pain.

"You can stay here as long as you like." Esme added to Carlisle's words. I just sat there trying desperately to understand. They loved my mother it was obvious, but they had known nothing of her agony. They had not left in a sense that had meant harm; no they had left to protect her. And yet without them she faced only pain and misery, I know she loved me but I was not worth the life it forced her down.

"She loves you all very much. She never told a mean story of any of you." I said trying to lessen the pain. "She did everything she could to hold on to pieces of each of you." I said smiling at my mother's absurd behaviour. "She told me she mimicked your garden in the old house, told me stories of you obviously, I believe I am named after some one's mother and of course you Rosalie, she played only his music too, and shopping obviously." I said knowing I didn't have a wardrobe or any clothes but the one's Esme or Alice burned. Alice made a face but smiled as did the others. It did not make the pain forgotten. But it eased it. "She did her best to hold onto you, even when it only caused her pain. But I know she would never have let you go no matter the cost... well maybe if it hurt you." I added thoughtfully and they all laughed at that. I smiled.

"You really are just like her, and your named after Edward's mother." Esme stated gently. I figured as much. I looked around at the people who had brought light to my mother's and my own life and couldn't be happier to sit amongst them.

"This will always be your home should you want it." Jasper stated as he leaned against the wall. I smiled, home I had forgotten what it was like to have a home.

"I'd like that. I haven't had a true home for a very long time." I was tired again; emotional conversations kind of take it out of me. I rested my head on Esme's should and relaxed.

"Go to sleep Ez. We'll be here when you wake up." Alice promised me. I smiled as I began to drift.


	7. Matters of conflict

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter seven

Matters of Conflict

EzPOV

I could feel them in the room as my mind slowly cleared, had they moved at all while I slept? Realizing that I was now lying on the bed instead of leaning on Esme and Alice I answered my own question. Instead of suppressing the urge to stretch and yawn I went it full force, probably looking rather silly but it felt really nice. I opened my eyes and saw everyone still in the semi circle around the room. I smiled at them and sat up.

"Have a nice nap?" Alice asked from within Jasper's arms. Had I only slept a few hours? It felt like days to me.

"Yup! Not often that I get to sleep twice in one day." I replied happily. "Or on a comfy bed." I finished bouncing a little as I realised that probably was not the best thing to mention to them. I was a brief flash of sadness on Alice face and knew it really had been a bad thing to say. She got up from the floor and padded over to me, and sat on the bed next to me. I tilted my head and wonder what the best way was to get rid of her frown.

"Well that's going to have to change." This was from Esme, she looked like she would do anything to take away the last three years and make them better. I realised then that they knew almost nothing about the past three years, they were assuming that it would be like last night only slightly less. My eyes went wide, that life would have really bit.

"I don't know, I kind of like sleeping under the stars, and the cold. It feels safe and natural." I said thinking about some of the beautiful nights I would never have seen had I had a home. "Like the night the heaven's caught fire!" I said, "It was magical, in the city I would have seen nothing with all the light pollution." I said a grimacing. They were watching me with silent interest; I could tell they hadn't thought I had seen some of the things that I had. My life hadn't been one horrible moment followed by the next.

"Or the night I fed the swans and got attacked by the stupid birds for my effort." I said laughing at myself, "It was not a nice night to get soaking wet." I finished, Emmet was laughing which seemed to spread to the entire family in seconds. I smiled at this, "It was funny to the officer too! Luckily he was nice enough to let me dry out in a warm holding cell, though it took all night just to get some of the layers to a wearable dampness." I said it had been an odd experience but Officer Johnson had been really nice.

"He even got me dinner!" I exclaimed remembering my own shock and joy at the appearance of the bag of food. "It was nice, he talked to me too, wanted to make sure I was doing okay for myself." His interest in me had frightened me at first cause I thought he new I was fifteen but he was just a nice guy trying to help me out. Had he known though it would have meant social services and all of that, maybe even Matthew. I shivered at the thought just as I had done then, I was glad he had misread and thought I was cold. The Cullen's didn't though and each gave me a look of concern. Again the happiness wiped clean, I really aught to stop thinking about him.

"You good?" Emmet asked obviously he meant more then just that. I nodded and tried to find away to get the words out.

"Matthew seems to haunt me, that night was only tainted by him for a short time but he looms over me like a giant thunder cloud and I'm waiting for the strike." I said, knowing how many lovely nights had been lost worrying that he was near.

"He can't get you here." Rosalie stated coldly. I guess she kinda knew what I felt, she had been hurt by someone she knew and had thought would protect her. I could see my pain reflected in her eyes, it was nice to not be alone with it any more. I smiled at her and felt a little better. "He's still alive?" she asked her voice full of venom, I nodded and shivered. "Why would he look for you after all of this time?" she wanted to know him, to understand him. I think they all did but she was the one brave enough to ask.

"He doesn't let go of what's his." I said my voice cold and empty, it was the only way I could explain without crying. "Mom took me and ran when she found out he was hurting me. But she knew as I do that he would never just let us get away. He would hunts us down and kill us for trying to get away." My face felt cold and I knew it must look empty and numb. I wish I could go as numb as my face. Alice's arms wrapped around me and Rosalie moved to the foot of the bed.

"He will never hurt you again. You have my word." She said fiercely, I smiled it reminded me of why my middle name was Rose I protect what's mine always have. I giggled at this thought and then realised my line of thought was no where near hers.

"You just reminded me of why my middle name is Rose." I said slipping off the bed to hug her, she hesitated for less than a second and tightly hugged me back. I laid my head on her shoulder and felt completely safe knowing she would keep her word. The relief of not having to always look for him was amazing, he was my boogie man and now I had Rosalie to help me fight him. I smiled at the thought. Pulling away from her I smiled up at her and she returned it at once. Everyone in the room seemed to know that I wasn't going anywhere.

"I think its time to feed the human!" said Emmet said laughing when my stomach rumbled slightly. I giggled but shook my head.

"Um probably not a good idea, I ate last night so give me a day or two to recover." I said, "My stomach is small and can't handle any more food for a while." I could feel some of the good mood dissipate but Carlisle understood.

"So how often do you normally eat and how much?" he asked slipping easily into doctor mode.

"Um, normally I try to eat something cheap and quick once or twice a day. But if I have a full meal it takes about two days to get hungry again." I answered trying to think of all my normal patterns, they were all going to change during my stay. "I sleep usually for about 4 hours every 30 hours, I don't do drugs, smoking, alcohol or much of anything bad for me. I don't have any pressing injuries, just bruises." I answered his questions knowing them almost by heart. "Not sexually active..." I said trying to think, "I haven't felt sick or anything though I sleep out in the cold." I said answering the last question I could remember. He smiles at me once I had finished.

"I can see you answer these questions fairly often. Why?" he asked pondering me, I smiled.

"A shelter will ask those questions as a general survey to see how the homeless population is holding up." I answered. "I have to lie about my age and name but the rest I always answer truthfully." They seemed to cringe at the thought of staying in a shelter. I shrugged some nights it really was the best option to be inside.

"Ugh" Alice grumbled as she shivered at the idea of a shelter. I smiled and then full out started laughing. I had this hilarious image of Alice as is standing in the last shelter I had stayed in. It was too amusing! Finally I was able to stop laughing though no one seemed to mind it.

"Yeah their not the nicest places but some nights are just to wet to sleep out. I only stay in women and children only shelters so it's a bit cleaner then the adult ones. Sides I get to play with the littles then! I always make sure to have something to give them if I sleep in. The ones I got to know loved it when I slept in. But that was months ago." I said on a sad note. Rosalie looked like she would have loved to have been there with me. "Oh!" I said realising I had promised to come of Tina's eighth birthday in a few days. "I promised to go there for a little girl's birthday, its all she wanted." I said really sad this time. I hated to break promises, and she had asked for so little.

"You can still go of course!" Alice said shaking her head "We'll just have to come with you baring presents!" She said her voice full of joy at the idea of shopping and I was nearly bouncing with her. I could still go! Rosalie looked like she enjoyed this idea as did Esme.

"Sweet!" I yelled, "She's going to go nuts! Tina is just too cute, but she lights up like a sparkler you'll see when you meet her!" I continued thinking of Tina always made a day brighter. She had the best smile, so happy even without a home.

"We might frighten her." Rosalie said her voice sad, I looked at her and laughed.

"I don't think a raving lunatic holding a gun to her head would frighten her!" said as my laughter over took me. "She'll probably stare at you with really wide eyes for a second before jumping on you!" I finished with Rosalie smiling as brightly as me. I calmed down after a moment of two. "Homeless kids are a lot tougher then most, they'll find you intriguing, not scary, and once they realise that you're with me then you are officially play ground equipment." I said Emmet seemed to like that idea as much as Rosalie.

"What should we get them?" Alice asked me contemplating gifts for people that had no place to put things.

"Hmmm... good question, small toys are good, candy of course. But mostly something they can't fight over it happen the one time I saved up some money and got them two push carts. It really ended badly." I said grimacing at the colossal disaster that had been.

"Saved up money? How?" Jasper asked curious as to how a homeless unemployed girl saved up money.

"I don't do drugs or alcohol so that helped." I said with a smile. "Mostly I just stopped eating everyday, and pull more jobs..." I said with a blush. Alice laughed at this. Carlisle didn't look happy about this.

"How long did you do that for?" Carlisle asked with a worried tone. "And for that matter when?"

"It took some time, because Mark kept joining us. He takes almost three quarters of the take. But he's mental so there's really no better option then to just let it slide. I think he knew what I was doing and was making it harder on me so he could..." I said thinking about that time. "He failed though since I sleep so little and he's kinda dumb I managed to make the money in about two or three months." I said, "Oh and it was only a couple of weeks ago. It's why I very much crossed his line." I finished quickly. Esme looked at me gently understanding what I meant.

"Sorry cross his line?" Emmet asked a confused smirk on his face.

"She means that's why he was going to reaction so strongly the other night." Esme stated as she grimaced at the thought. Did they know about that? My eyes went wide and I looked up at Alice. She had seen it all hadn't she?

"Yes, I saw you planning to jump off the Stanley Bridge." She answered pain clear in her voice and on her face, "You scared me quite badly with that you know!" I blushed and looked at my hands, realising I had hurt her, all of them really. Esme had known I was going to jump, like she had. My guilt pressed in on me.

"None of that." Said Jasper as he sent a wave of calm at me, I smiled my thanks but it was wooden.

"I also saw why that you were going to jump." Alice said anger taking the place of the sadness, my head shot up. I had been right he was... the creeper; I knew he wanted to claim me but it was another thing to know that I could have happened. I realised I must have been really bad.

"I made him mad didn't I?"I asked kind of proud of myself for not chickening out. Jasper looked at me oddly. "It was my plan was to get him mad enough to kill me." I said shrugging until I looked at Esme and saw her pain. Guilt filled me and I crawled away from Rosalie over to Esme to give her a hug, she reached for me and hugged me fiercely.

"You promised not to get yourself killed." She said and I didn't correct her that technically I had said I wouldn't commit suicide, making an attacker kill you wasn't the same thing. I don't think she would have seen it that way anyway. When she finally loosened her grip I could tell she wasn't mad at me, just the situation I was in.

"What you said last night that she was going somewhere to get help. Do you know when precisely and where she was going?" Carlisle asked his voice soft but I could tell he wanted to rule something out.

"Sure, it was the day she never came back. We had been on our own for about four months, I think." I said lost in my own thoughts. Emmet's cough brought me back with a deep purple blush. "I just had to get her blush." I grumbled trying to refocus me thoughts. "It was November 17th 2027, she left around 7 am. Heading to Ely, Minnesota, she was on her way back around 8pm. That's all I know. Sorry." I said trying desperately to read Carlisle's expression. It was nearly blank but there was an emotion there that I couldn't identify. Looking to the others around me I saw many different reactions to what I had said.

"You have a very good memory." Carlisle stated rather flatly, was he hiding his sadness or was something wrong. Worse much worse then the words I had said, but what had I said other than the day that my mother left me.

"It was the last day I heard from my mom, it's not a day I would forget." I said still pondering what other meaning my words had for Carlisle. Esme's arms tightened around me as I spoke, "she didn't say much when she called, only that she would be home quickly and I wasn't to stay up and worry about her, like that was even close to possible." I finished unease at Carlisle's lack of a response, what could that day mean to him?

"Forgive me." He said lowering his gaze to me, sadness and a touch of anger in his eyes. "Edward was the only one there on that day, I thought nothing of it. But he had ensured that we would not be near town. I believe your mother was meeting with us, only none of us knew." His voice wavered with his grief and disappointment. My eyes were wide and I knew my heart was speeding, but all I knew was that my mother had gone to them and Edward had obviously prevented the meeting. But why?

"That... stupid, stupid boy!" Cried Alice, her eyes met mine as I stared at her shocked by the out burst. "He checked in on her, first she was living in the res, and then went to college, then she was married with a happy little baby and he left her to live out life." Alice explained to me, "he crumbled a few years ago; we haven't seen him much since then. He knew! And he never told us!" Alice finished her head in her hands as her entire body shook. Jasper had her in his arms faster then I could see.

Edward knew of my mother's plight and refused her? It didn't make any sense, why would he just... do nothing? My mind couldn't process why he would let her be hurt, or unsafe. I know he didn't love her the way she loved him but to hurt her and me like this. Neglect hurts as much as Matthew's actions and words. He obviously hates her... and me by proxy, to let such pain happen. But his family loved her, who could he hate her so? She married Matthew, but she never loved him. But was that enough to bring his anger upon us?

"He, he..." I stammered, my eyes tearing up. I couldn't get the words out, it hurt too much to know that my mother's true love would let us suffer. Esme hushed me and rubbed my back, she reminded me so much of my mother and her stories. "Why...? Did he... hate her so much?" I questioned, though I took a few tries to get my mouth to work right. Esme's cooing stopped at my words; I could feel her sobs above the sound of my own.

"He doesn't hate you or your mother!" Rosalie said softly, "he's just an idiot that thought he knew best. I agreed with his decision before, now I just want to smack him." I could hear the sadness and anger in her voice. I tried to calm down, Jasper supplied waves of calm and I managed to stop crying. I hate crying and that seemed to be all I could do, sitting here stuck in the past. This was the family my mother wanted more then anything and yet all they wanted was her, why were they ever parted?


	8. Fighting dawn

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter eight

Fighting Dawn

It was a few minutes later that Jasper broke the silence by clearing his throat though I knew he didn't need to, probably an ingrained action to appear more human.

"I attacked your mother at her 18th birthday party." Jasper stated rather uncomfortably. I looked at him and realised he had answered my question, Edward left because of that day. 'He left with the best intentions' that was what my mother had repeated to herself often. I felt anger building in me, Edward had destroyed my mother and I hated him for it.

"He left with the best intentions," I repeated my thoughts, "and paved the road to hell." I smirked at this silly little repetition of old times. It was my response to her whenever I caught the words spilling from her mouth. It would make her smile shake her head and say 'without his leaving I would be without you.' It made me feel loved when she said stuff like that. I thought it was fairy tales and dreams of a better life my mother shared with me but in truth it was the reason she continued on. They were what she lived for, I was a reason too but they were the reason she chose Matthew and the reason she survived him. I pulled all of my strength from knowing my mother had survived Matthew and wrapped it around myself. It let my keep going, and for that I owed everything to my absent mother.

"Yes." Rosalie replied looking like she was going to hit someone. I knew they all agreed but only she spoke aloud. I was angry and sad but felt no need to cry about this, it was nice to not cry about something. My borrowed strength didn't waver at this need hurt. It was more natural for me not cry; it almost hurt less without tears.

"Finally, I have run out of tears." I said slightly amused, but mostly happy to have stopped crying it never did any good to cry, this clashed with the darker emotions I still felt but ignored it. For most of my life crying only made things worse. "Back to myself, finally." I said a cold note in my voice. I relaxed into the mind set that had made life bearable, I could see that this reaction bother them but that didn't bug me as much as it had before.

"It's not healthy to just push your emotions away." Jasper stated I just shrugged. My life called for this type of reaction and I felt more like myself this way. I was no longer that girl, the one who jumped at every sound or movement, or the one that cried in their mother's arms. I had no mother. I had to be strong enough to stand alone.

"I am as I am. Guess the shock of you all being real has finally worn off. This is me take it or leave it." I said in my normal response to people who didn't like my coldness. Only the children saw me feel, they needed to know that if they just kept going that they would survive. I smiled at that thought; I truly enjoyed seeing them smile. They relaxed somewhat at my smile. "I may not let my emotions push me around but I do feel them, Jasper." I replied looking into his eyes, "I always feel them." He nodded but my reactions weren't right to him, he liked it better when sad things made me cry, tough luck. "I just chose to let the lighter ones show and not the darker ones." I said feeling the need for them to understand that this was how I survived and managed to keep going when I had lost everything. "No one likes a cry baby." I said in a light voice though no one thought it was amusing.

I freed my self from Esme's arms and stretched feeling incredibly stiff from sitting still for so long. Everyone seemed startled by the sudden change in my emotions, I knew I could have pulled strength from mom at anytime and stopped crying, if I had thought to do so. Everyone watched me stretch, once I was done Esme stood and the others followed her. She knew I was done with talking about the past for a little while.

"You should drink something so you don't dehydrate." She said stepping out of the room to probably go and fetch something looking a little uncomfortable. I nodded in agreement and moved to follow her out the door when I felt a hand on my arm. I was being hugged before I realised it, Alice's grip was tight and I could feel the strength her tiny body held. She was nearly smaller then me. I was confused but hugged her back hoping she would explain.

"You don't have to be strong all the time." She said softly as she let go of me and walked passed me into the hallway. I was startled and a little bothered by her comment. You didn't gain anything from weakness, it was better to be strong, always. I let it go and followed her human pace towards another part of the house.

She led me to the kitchen where Esme had apparently gone. I walked over to the counter and sat down and watched the two of them try to figure out what would be best for me to drink. Finally I took mercy on them.

"The Gatorade has electrolytes that help with the body balances." I commented and they looked up at me and handed me the personal sized bottle. I drank without comment while they watched me. Carlisle joined us a few moments later followed by Jasper. I noticed that Rosalie and Emmet had stayed up stairs and knew that I had really bothered them all with my sudden change of mood. If they preferred for me to be some breakable little girl they could go and pick another homeless girl to save from the streets. "If I bother you, I can go back to the city." I stated, hoping to relieve them from the burden of my presence. Not many people liked me, hence why I hung-out with a crack-head who barely noticed my existence. They looked at me oddly when I offered this, "just an option." I said trying to figure them out, as real people I had no idea what to do with them.

I liked the stories; I could imagine being one of them perfect and happy. But in real life I was flawed and well kinda broken, life was hard but made more sense then this place. It was like a separate reality where people were kind and good, pretty much the general opposite of all I knew. I really didn't fit into this life; I worked better on the streets then in this house.

"Do you want to leave already?" Esme asked shocked and upset at my comments. I floundered trying to find the right thing to say to that. I kinda did want to leave; if you don't fit you don't stay. I looked at her and saw that she really didn't like the idea of my leaving.

"It was just a thought... I mean I don't exactly fit in here." I replied, figuring that was the best approach to this situation. I had to learn to just shut up and accept gratitude; they wanted to make up for what happened to my mom and me. I would stay for a few days and they would get sick of me and it would be a parting with no one upset. "I suppose, if your going to the shelter in the city, we could decide then?" I added. Esme nodded but left the room, with Carlisle following after her. I should really just shut up, I had hurt her.

"When is Tina's birthday?" Alice asked her voice empty. I had really messed up, they had taken my words personally.

"It's four days away, she will be expecting me shortly after 6pm, after dinner but four hours before they lock the doors, just in case I happen to miss all the bed openings." I replied, her face tightened at the last bit but I couldn't tell why. She nodded and left taking Jasper with her, I had cleared the room pretty dang quickly. I wanted to smash my head against the counter top but knew they would hear. I sat there and tried to figure out how to get out of the hole I had managed to dig for myself in the last half hour. It was deep and I had no solutions. "I'm going to go for a walk." I said to no one knowing that they would hear me.

I walked out the back door and into the woods that lay behind it. It was nice to walk in nature; the park in the city had nothing on this natural forest. It was calming to be out in the cold. I realised then that I was wearing a thin t-shirt and pant pyjama combo, since they were only a little big on me and Alice was the closest to my size I guess they were hers. Unless of course she went shopping the other night too. I really hope I had a growth spurt coming, to be no more then five feet was a little sad. Then again maybe if I ate regularly I would grow. That didn't seem too likely too me. Not when I had already ostracized myself from them in half an hour.

I sat on a large rock about ten minutes from the house; I had a feeling this woods was thick enough to get lost in and so stuck to a clear straight line. I hugged my knees to my chest as I sat, I wasn't used to wearing so little it made me feel colder then normal, even though it was a warm night. I wonder what time it is, 10 pm or 2 am they were both this dark. But the woods might be making it darker. I let my senses take in the night, it was quiet but not nearly silent. I could here water somewhere nearby and some animals were moving about in the darkness. It was peaceful.

I sat there for hours before realising the time and light started to filter through the trees. Having completely gotten lost in my own head I stood up and stretched the stiffness from my body once more. It wasn't like me to be so still; I decided to find the source of the sound of water and began walking through the forest once more. Hopping that my absence wasn't bothering any of the vampires I had left in the blue house. It didn't take long for me to find the stream; I could tell that it floods and receds a few times each year. I knelt at it bank and dropped my fingers into the cold water. It was refreshing and nice to feel its coldness and the power the little stream had. Knowing that I should get back to the house shortened my stay by the water.

The walk back was a little more confusing as I had walked off my line back. I walked slowly trying to find my way, soon I came into sight of the house. I was way more left then I had thought. I corrected and re-entered through the same door I had last night.

"It was beautiful to watch the sun rise through the trees." I commented to the seemingly empty house. Oh yeah I was well liked in this house right now. Maybe they had left to go back to their lives and left me a note. I walked into the kitchen careful to make sure my bare feet left no trails behind me. Thankfully they weren't that dirty and the quick brush off at the door had been enough. I saw no note for me so assumed they were somewhere and got myself another Gatorade still feeling a bit dehydrated. I sat at the counter and wondered what I would do with my time. I had no desire to sleep, or eat and this house was still foreign enough to deem not messing with their things. Noticing a piece of paper and a pen I decided to draw something, I hadn't had the means for a while. Paper was not helpful to carry with you, as it got soggy and nasty far too easily.

I took a sheet and the pen and sat at the table and pondered what to draw. The Stanley Bridge view? Probably not the best choice Esme seemed a little fragile for a reminder of the other night. Hmmm... What to draw, what to draw? As I thought about it, it seemed so obvious. I would draw my mother. I closed my eyes and thought of ever image of her I had burned in my brain and chose from the happy ones. A smile played across my lips as I began to sketch out the garden of the old house. She loved that garden, it was the hardest thing to say goodbye too. To me her smile and laughter came easiest in that garden; it held most of my happy memories of her and me.

Her laugh flittered about in my head as I drew her. As I got more detailed on her face it was her eyes when they lit up that I focused on so that it would come through in the picture. I hated to think that the eyes I had seen last, full of worry and stress would appear there instead. I decided to make the flowers more pronounced once I had finished her face. I could feel someone standing behind me but didn't turn to see who. I continued to draw trying to get her figure just right. My mother had always been slight even after she gave birth to me.

As I realised the picture was done I set the pen down and looked down at the recreated moment of my mother's happiness. It was when I was still pretty small, maybe 6 or 7. Before Matthew. I was still happy and knew only of the love of my mother, and the odd distance and anger of my father. She was smiling up at me over her book looking relaxed and completely happy. Her eyes were light and she was lounging against the single bigger tree in our yard. The garden still looked a little new but it was growing. It was truly a beautiful place and she was an angel captured on paper.

"You are very skilled." Said a cold velvet voice, I hadn't yet heard. I turned to look at him, knowing he had to be the one missing from this family. He was handsome but cold and distant. I could see none of the man that my mother had told me of.

"Thank you." I replied, "she was happiest in her garden." My voice wistful, I longed for the days when I knew nothing but her light. He nodded and sat down across from me. I was shocked he had decided to grace me with his presence, had they called him here?

"You have inherited your mother's gift I see." He said his voice not as cold but still as distant. I looked up, pleased that he couldn't hear my thoughts. They were all bitter and angry right now, and I had no inclination of hurting this family even if I hated one of its members. Why did he have to leave her? It would have made everything better if he had just stayed.

"Why are you here Edward?" I asked him knowing I was the intruder here, not him. He looked a little surprised by my words. It wasn't my fault he couldn't read my mind and know my reasons.

"They called." He stated looking as though that explained everything. "Rose phoned to yell at me and everyone got into it. I realized that..." he paused there seeming to organize his thoughts, "I realized that you were here." He finished having obviously changed what he was going to say.

"Joy." I stated coldly. "Would you like me to go back to my life, my human and therefore happy homeless life?" I asked knowing my voice was sharp and for a moment I truly wished to cause him pain. "I didn't mean that." I said not even looking at his face; I really wanted to hate him. But it wouldn't stay, he hurt my mother but she loved him and so I couldn't hate him and it bothered me. I let my eyes fall to the paper that held her image and willed myself silent.

"You're so like her." He said the pain in his voice obvious, my head shot up. Why did this hurt him? He had made his choice and it was to leave her. His eyes were on the paper in front of me. "You captured her so perfectly." He commented I blushed at his praise unsure of why it felt so nice to have him compliment my work. He looked at me then and the blush deepened to somewhere near purple I was certain. He looked pained; I knew I got my spastic blushing from mom.

"Thank you, I try my best." I said wanting to hide my head from his inspection. I was answering his first statement not his second. I handed him the picture, "take it, I have the memory." I said softly before turning to flea the room.

"Please stay." His voice was soft and seemed insecure, I froze mid-step and nearly tripped over my own legs as I turned to look at him once more. My expression was probably a jumble I was so confused by his actions. His voice had screamed give me space and everything else said stay. Now his voice matched the rest and I returned to the table completely unsure of what to do. "Thank you for the picture, I'll treasure it and for staying." He said I didn't lift my eyes from my hands as I nodded at his words. "I am sorry if I seem distant but I haven't really been myself lately. I feel I must apologise for turning your mother away three years ago." He said his voice drenched in sorrow, I nodded again. He didn't have to apologise not to me, and I know mom had forgiven him a long time ago.

"I really don't know what you want me to say." I said after a long pause. He seemed to wish to have me say something but I couldn't think of what. Finally a glanced up at him and realised he had no idea either, we were being incredibly awkward. "Um... are you staying here now?" I asked trying to find some topic to talk about and the weather was just lame.

"Yes if you don't mind that is. Feel free to stay as long as you want." He added rather quickly. I arched an eyebrow at this.

"You sure? I don't exactly match or mesh or whatever with this place." I asked rambling on. He laughed at this and I wanted to hit him for laughing at me. The frown that graced my face made him stop.

"I'm sorry that was rude of me. It's just that your mother spoke the same way when she got nervous. And of course I am sure, you have every right to be here." He said I could hear the sincerity in his voice and was a little shocked.

"I won't stay long. I mean I'm hard to get a long with really. I seem to never say the right thing." I answered gently. Choosing my words very carefully not to upset him. What I wanted to scream at him that I was my father's daughter a destructive worthless piece of trash! For an instant I really wished that they hadn't saved me, my presence was going to taint them. I hated to think of how I could break this perfect family. I let the horrible feelings well within me and knew that they never touch my face. Soon they passed and I looked into his eyes. I hadn't fooled him in the slightest, but what he knew I had no idea.

"Esme would love it if you stayed with us." He said shortly obviously deciding not to say anything about what he had learned. I knew I couldn't argue with that, she would feel guilty if I left. I nodded and sighed, ah defeat how I know you well. "You seem happy to be staying." He commented sarcastically.

"Yup! I love to have the chance to rip your family apart! It's been a dream of mine since I was very little!" I exclaimed the sarcasm dripping from my voice and words. Once it was out of my mouth I wanted to die, I dropped my head harshly to the top of the table. I was really good at shoving my foot in my mouth I'm not sure if it had left since I arrived here. Edward seemed so completely startled by my comment and such that he didn't know what to do. "Sorry." I mumbled not moving from my collapsed position on the table. "That was meaner then I intended." I said trying to find the right words to explain that I was merely an idiot.

"But you did mean it." Edward said as he sat down again, assured that I hadn't knocked myself out. "You actually think your destroy my family just by living here. Why would you think such a stupid and horrible thing?" He asked his voice full of concern.

"I am my father's daughter." I said I could feel the prick at the back of my eyes that said I wanted to cry but I pushed it away and with it the tears. I wallowed in my own special hell as I waited for him to realise that I was a filthy replica of my father.

"I don't know what you mean." He stated softly, "You are so very like your mother, I don't think there's any of him in you." I wanted to believe him so badly that the tears that I had held back dripped down onto the table. I was so weak I couldn't even find the will to stop them but no embarrassing sobs came out luckily. I'm sure the shame would have killed me then and there if they had. Suddenly I felt his arms around me and I panicked. I knew it wasn't Matthew but I struggled to get free and away from him anyway. He let go of me surprised by my reaction, why did he have to bring out the scared little girl in me? I pushed myself out of the chair and against the counter and crumpled to the floor. I hated this, to be so weak.

"Leave, just leave!" I screamed to the Matthew that haunted me. I began to sob at this point; I hugged my knees to my chest and plead with any higher power to just kill me now. Once again strong arms wrapped around me and I grabbed at them and held on tightly blinded by my tears. These were arms I knew, I had been wrapped in the earlier, Rosalie. I pressed myself into her as I sobbed I heard her say something unkind but didn't bother to really listen. Rosalie picked me up and took me away. I wouldn't let go of her and so she lay with me rubbing circles on my back until I felt my eye lids drop and the black enveloped me. I prayed that it would take away the pain and the frightened little girl.


	9. Captive

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter nine

Captive

The only light came from the moon that was nearly completely swallowed up by the trees; I was running after the silhouette of my mother. If I managed to catch up to her I was safe, but I knew that I would never be able to. I never could she was always just out of reach and then just gone.

She vanished before my eyes, NO! I stumble over a branch and came crashing to the ground, my heart thudded loudly in my chest as I curled into a ball knowing he would appear soon. I felt him approach, I screamed and begged and pleaded. Pushing myself away from him until I hit the tree behind me, I was trapped no where to go. Panic filled me as I looked up into his fevered eyes, I began to shake. He lifted me harshly off the ground and slammed me into the tree his hands moving from my arms to my throat. I could feel them crushing my throat but I couldn't find a way to get free.

"My beautiful little girl, Daddy's little girl." He praised in my ear like he had every time in my life, I screamed and tried in vain to get free of his harsh grip. I screamed and thrashed while praying for him to kill me.

"Ez! Elizabeth!" a voice yelled. I grabbed at it and my eyes snapped open. I still felt the grip on my arms and began pulling to free myself tears streaming down my face.

"No! Stop!" I screamed at the strong hands, suddenly I was shaking. Shocked at the new motion I stopped struggling.

"Ez!" said a distinctly female voice and I stilled completely in the vice grip.

"Rosalie?" I questioned my voice sounding horse and strangled. I blinked back the tears that still flowed down my face. It was a dream just a dream, the relief was overwhelming. I collapsed into who ever was holding me, sobbing my relief into their chest.

"Are you alright now?" she questioned, I nodded not trusting my voice. I could feel my heart slowing with the tears. Soon I could look up into the eyes of my captor. Edward. I once again tried to get out of his grip.

"Ez you have to calm down!" this came from Edward as he moved us to the bed I had been lying on. I noticed that it wasn't the same room as before. I sat down as Edward released me and curled into Rosalie's side, wanting her comfort. The others were standing in the doorway looking in at the scene before them each shocked and concerned.

"Just a nightmare." I said trying to reign in my emotions.

"I don't think so. We couldn't wake you Ez." He said his voice full of concern. I shook my head; it was a normal nightmare for me.

"Why do you think I don't usually sleep much?" I said looking at no one in particular. "I have really intense nightmares." I said flatly, resting my head on Rosalie's shoulder. The circle's she was rubbing on my back felt really nice but it was beginning to make me sleepy. Reluctantly I pulled away from her and pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

"How long have you had them?" Edward asked his voice carefully neutral.

"How long do you think?" I said sharply, "Forever, they got worse when mom died but, forever." I said deciding it was a better questioned then I first thought. I remembered Fern Hill and how mom slept with me every night just to make them bearable. Once she was gone and I left that house I had to regulate how long I slept and make myself exhausted just to avoid them. Even then some days they didn't want to be regulated.

The silence was full of emotion I just closed my eyes and rested my head on my knees knowing I wouldn't fall asleep like this. I had managed to not dream for months now and it all came back as soon as I meet the family I have always thought of. Great be weak and useless I'm sure they just really want another pathetic human to take care of! The words cut me, mom wasn't weak I may be but she wasn't. If they didn't want her how could they ever want me? I held the pain in my heart and knew I would be leaving as soon as I could.

"You're not going anywhere!" Alice shrieked at me, she flew forward and grabbed my face, "There is no way that you are leaving here! I will tie you to the bed if I have too!" she yelled in my face. I was shocked at the intensity of her out burst, I was sure she had wanted me to leave! She let go and sank to the floor. "I am not loosing you too." She finished looking hopeless and depressed; Jasper picked her off the floor and sat on the bed next to me with her in his arms. I stared at her having no clue what to say.

"Of course she isn't going anywhere." Edward said his face as blank as his voice, "These dreams are serious Ez. They are a symptom of post traumatic stress, they could led to your death." He finished and everyone but me flinched at the word.

"Life is just a sexually transmitted disease that has a hundred percent fatal." I said my voice completely empty. I hear a soft chuckle and looked up to see Emmet getting death glares from the other vampires in the room.

"Sorry, but the kid has a point." He said shrugging.

"That's a horrible way to view life." Esme said shaking her head. I shrugged.

"With a life like mine it's actually nice." I said and every set of eyes in the room snapped to my face. "To know that at some point life ends, that there will come a time when the pain stops." I finished and they seemed to understand.

"You don't have to die in order to stop the pain, you just have to heal." Edward stated monotone.

"Tell me oh mighty vampire! How do I heal? I have no family except the lunatic who is still probably trying to track me down. No money for professional help. I HAVE NOTHING!" I screamed at him, "The fact that I am still alive is a miracle! Some times you just have to live broken and move on." I said thinking of my mother.

"You have us." Rosalie said looking into my eyes, "We will do anything to help you heal." Her eyes pleaded with me to stay to accept their help. I looked at all of them, they each nodded that they too wanted to help.

"No." I said softly, "I don't want your help. I was doing fine on my own." Just because they saw me as some broken toy didn't mean that I needed their help. I am not going to stay and play at their pity party.

"I won't let you leave." Alice said hurt by my refusal. "You can be mad at us all you want but I am not going to let you go back to the streets and die alone." I could tell every single one of them agreed with her. They were going to keep me here against my will. I was furious but it didn't change the situation. I was being held captive by a family of vampires, and there was nothing I could do about it.


	10. Betrayal

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter ten

Betrayal

There was nothing to do; I was bored out of my mind. It has been three days since the lock down of the Cullen mansion.

Since my escape attempt two days ago when Alice asked if I wanted to go shopping with her, I wasn't allowed to leave the house. She had muttered something a long the lines of as bad as my mother as she snatched me off the side of the road three hours after my mad dash to the bus stop. I was as proud that I had gotten away as I was depressed at the restrictions they had place on me because of it.

I had taken to staring out my bedroom window, it was something to do. I hadn't slept since the return of the nightmares trying to get myself exhausted before going to sleep. But as the days passed my mind seemed more active not less, I was antsy. I stood up and paced my room trying to get rid of some of my energy but it didn't work. Flopping down on the bed I contemplated just giving in, I was much too afraid of the nightmares to face them alone. But my pride wouldn't let me admit that I had been beaten.

"Would like something to eat?" Esme asked, it was our routine she would bring up delicious looking things to try and tempt me to eat and I always refused. I shook my head with a sigh. "You really need to eat something Elizabeth; it's not good for you to go so long without food."

"Not hungry." I answered truthfully my stomach was in knots. She sat down on the bed breaking form normal where she leaves looking depressed and I go on being depressed alone.

"Please let us help." She said softly the pain she felt over me clear in her voice. It made me feel horrible but my pride kept me silent. She turned and brushed a stray hair off my face. For a long time we sat and said nothing it was Carlisle's home coming that finally moved her from my room. She left looking worse then when she had arrived; I truly am a horrible person to cause someone like Esme so much pain.

It was dark in the room as I hadn't moved to turn the lights on to banish the shadows. I had no energy to move now though I desperately wanted the light. I could feel my heart beginning to race as my eyes darted about the room, there were too many shadows. Trying to swallow my fears I got up and went to where I knew the light switch to be only as I moved the shadows did too and soon there was one over the door. It was his shadow! He was in the room! I could hear his breathing, my heart stumbled as I realised this. It wasn't a dream this time he was standing right behind me! My knees shook and as I took a step I collapsed to my knees.

Opening my mouth to scream I looked into his eyes they were just the same in his face, mean and cold. I froze staring up at him my body refusing to obey me. He slow knelt to the floor next to me and gripped my hair tightly a small squeak of pain passed through my lips and he smiled at me. The pain flashed through the side of my face before I had registered the movement. I was crumpled on the floor my hand on my burning cheek. Tears streamed as I tried to back away from him, but the wall stopped my retreat. His eyes swept over my body lustfully and I began to shake realising what was going to happen next. Finally a scream passed through my lips as he approached laughing at me.

Suddenly the door burst open and Edward was in front of me looking down at me panicked. I stared passed him and tried to point to Matthew just behind him. He turned but there was nothing there my eyes were wide where had he gone?

"Ez what's wrong?" he pleaded looking from my face to the place where my father had been moments before. "Please answer me!" he demanded though my voice was trapped I tried to tell him. He realised I couldn't talk and picked me up as I noticed the others in the room. Either staring worriedly at me or glancing about the room I clinged to Edward afraid that he would appear again. Carlisle's hand was on my head before I even noticed him in the room. His cold hand felt wonderful on my face.

"She has a fever." He stated as he motioned for Edward to follow him. He placed me on the couch in Carlisle's office before I could blink. I cringed away from the sudden brightness and pressed my face into the fabric of the couch. "Elizabeth I need you to look at me." Carlisle asked form right in front of the couch and my head. I turned to him squeezing my eyes shut. "Elizabeth." He said and I slowly opened my eyes to the suddenly dark office. "Thank you." He said flatly taking hold of my chin and suddenly flashing a bright light into my eyes. I tried to pull away as my eyes snapped shut. His grip was too firm for me to move an inch. "I need to take your temperature Ez." He said as he pushed a thermometer into my mouth letting go of my chin after it was in place.

I lay there for a moment before slowly opening my eyes again. It was dark but I could tell Carlisle wasn't in front of me any more. My head was pounding and I kept looking for Matthew waiting for him to appear and finally kill me. I opened my mouth to try to warn them that he was here when a white hand held my mouth closed. I struggled trying to get free and warn them.

"Ez the thermometer needs to stay in your mouth." Edward stated as his head appeared in my line of sight, I tried again to talk and he just sighed. Shaking my head trying to get him to let go I began to panic. Finally he let go and took the thermometer out.

"HE'S HERE! We have to get out of here!" I screamed pushing myself up from the couch though it took far too much effort to do so. I reached out and took Edward's hand and began to move for the door as he lifted me off the ground. "No we have to get out of here!" I screamed at him, why didn't he understand that Matthew was going to kill me? He didn't care that Matthew was here! Why should he? Matthew only wants me!? "Please! Please he'll kill me!" I cried fighting Edward's grip he was startled by my reaction and let go of me. I dropped to the floor with a large thud; I began to crawl away from him trying to find the door and a way out. My breathing was laboured and it was beginning to hurt, but I ignored it and stood up. Carlisle was approaching me slowly but Edward hadn't moved since he dropped me. I walked slowly away from Carlisle.

"Elizabeth we won't let him get you okay?" he said taking a step towards me and I shrunk back. I would never get away from here if he got a hold of me.

"Stay away from me!" I screamed, "He always gets what he wants! Always!" I moved towards the door never taking my eyes off of Carlisle. A soft noise came from behind me to alert me to their presence. I froze and pushed myself into the wall. The door was blocked by the rest of them! No I had to get out of here! I became frantic I was trapped! My eyes darted about the room looking for another way out.

"Ez we aren't going to hurt you." Jasper said sending waves of calm that I couldn't take in. I backed away from him I wasn't going to let him make me forget! I had to get out I had to! My eyes narrowed they were all against me, my eyes moved form Carlisle and Edward to the others by the door. Rosalie was pulling them away from the door, I stared at her! She understood she knew that Matthew was here!

"Come on Ez we have to get out of here!" She said her eyes looking into the shadows for Matthew. I wasn't sure if she was lying but I had to take the only chance I had at getting out of here. I ran passed her grabbing her hand she didn't move. NO!

"No we have to go!" I screamed as she pulled me into her arms. I fought her but she was much stronger than I. I saw him moving towards us and screamed and fought harder. "Please! Please!" I screamed though my voice was fading from the abuse. My heart was pounding as my eyes widened why would they let him have me!? "Please, please... No!" I begged and finally screamed as his fingers traced my jaw. Tears streamed as I fought but he only laughed at me his hands moving to my throat to strangle me. "Please Rosalie" I whispered as the world went black.

****

_**Note: Okay I was really tempted to just posted this chapter and leave it for a while but I figured that might not be the best plan.... :D**_


	11. Breaking point

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter eleven

Breaking Point

I was floating. It was nice, there was no pain here. I had died, Matthew had finally killed me. They only thing that bothered me was why they had let him? Rosalie had actually held me while he strangled me. I thought she would understand, she who had faced the same thing as me. She had nearly died from it but Carlisle had saved her. Why hadn't he saved me?

I wasn't worth saving. The thought rang through me, it was true. I really wasn't worth saving. I would have been an immortal burden. They would have had to deal with me for at least the first few years, sure then they could get rid of me. But I would still be out there a Cullen a stain on their good name. I wallowed in this.

****

Wait! Their vampires! Matthew is only human he was never a threat to them! No wonder they felt no need to leave! But how had they not known he was there? I mean they have heightened sense right? Maybe they invited him to come and kill me. No! Carlisle and Esme would never condone violence even against me. I mean if I went back to the streets I would die from exposure eventually.

****

"She'll wake in 48 seconds." I heard, it sounded like Alice but why would Alice be dead? It's not like she would die by... wait she said wake! I'm not dead?

I thought about it and could suddenly feel my body, well I feel stupid. I had been thinking about something and it was important, what had it been? Trying to pull it back I was puzzled and let it go, I would remember if it really was important. After a few more moments I was completely aware of my body and pushed myself up and opened my eyes.

"Gah!" I whispered in response to the bright light and held my throat. It felt like it was on fire, must be pain from Matthew's attack. I blinked and tried to adjust to the light when it suddenly became dark. I pushed my self into a seated position feeling stiff and nasty. As my eyes adjusted to the dark I realised they were all there in similar positions as my first day here.

"How do you feel?" Carlisle asked from his seat on the floor next to Esme. I shrugged and stretched moaning when I moved, what the heck. I looked at my arms and saw large purple black bruises how had I gotten those? Suddenly I remembered what I had been thinking about before and everything else. My face went cold and my eyes wide. He had been here! He had come for me and they let him. I pushed myself away from them trying to understand. "Elizabeth?" Carlisle asked and my eyes shot to his face, he looked hurt. My mind was spinning. I should be dead, why was I here? And they had hurt me! I needed to leave, I definitely had to leave! My panic clearly showed on my face and their faces fell.

"Why?" I asked my voice cracking from emotion and abuse. Tears slid down my face, as I pulled my knees to my chest. I couldn't understand why they would do that to me. Fear filled me was he still here!? My throat tightened and I began to shake. Carlisle started to move towards me and stopped when my heart stuttered.

"It wasn't really Ez, you were delusional from fever." He answered sinking back into his seat. I shook my head I know what I saw, he was here. I shrank into the wall waiting for him to appear like the nightmare he was. "It's a part of post traumatic stress disorder, Ez along with the dreams." He said obviously trying to convince me. I shook my head again thinking about his appearance. How had he gotten into a house full of vampires? Or vanish like he had? Or move about the house so easily? No he had been here I said but there was doubt in my mind now.

"Listen to him Ez, I would never let anyone hurt you." Rosalie said, I looked at her and remembered her promise. She understood, but... I wasn't sure I just wasn't sure. She got up and moved towards me slowly. She sat on the edge of the bed. "Never Ez, never." She said with such definiteness I really wanted to believe her.

"What did you see last night?" Carlisle asked gently, I looked at him and then back at Rosalie trying to assure myself that I was safe. I hated that my eyes rested on the door expecting the worst.

"Matthew." I said simply, Rosalie looked like she wanted to kill I smiled at that. She smiled back hesitantly unsure. "He... was in the... bedroom and the... hall." I said my voice cracking constantly, my throat was killing me. I wanted them to understand, I realised as I looked at Rosalie's face that she hadn't seen him.

"You thought I was holding you as he came towards you." She said her pain evident in every aspect of her. "And I promised you I would never let him hurt you." She looked like she could cry, maybe if she were human she would be.

"He was laughing at me." I whispered, remembering his cold evil laugh. I wrapped my arms around my knees and held them to my chest longing for the blackness I had been in before.

"I'm so sorry Ez." Rosalie said softly her body shaking with sobs. Looking up I noticed that all of the women were sobbing and the men looked horrified trying to comfort them. Edward looked horrible but his eyes never left me, Emmet looked between me and Rose wanting to go to her but unsure of my reaction. I wasn't sure I wanted him near me so I moved towards Rosalie with my eyes on the door as I moved. I wrapped my arms around her without moving my eyes though I was beginning to believe them.

She wrapped her arms around me and I froze for a moment fear spiking through me. Her arms vanished and I tried to control my reaction. I was glad Rose had moved so quickly, as my heart hit my ribs. Not moving I tried to calm down and slowly managed to get control of my breathing. Soon my body relaxed and I moved my arms from around her shoulders to her waist and rested my head on her shoulder. Gently she placed her hands on my arms and got no reaction from me.

"I believe you." I said finally closing my eyes. Rosalie or any other Cullen had basically vowed to protect me three days ago. I had to trust that and everything my mother had told me, they were good people who did good things. "Forgive me." I whispered. Pulling away from me she looked into my eyes.

"For what?" she asked gently brushing away tears I hadn't even realised I had shed.

"For accusing you of helping him." I said simply, it was a horrible thing to do. "You were only trying to help me and I thought..." My voice wavered horribly and vanished.

"Of course I forgive you! You didn't know we were trying to help you, you only knew you were in danger and that we weren't letting you leave." Rosalie replied seriously. I turned my head and looked at the rest of the Cullens, silently begging their forgiveness.

"We have nothing to forgive you for." Jasper said solemnly. "We did just as Rose said, you were trying to protect us and we wouldn't listen." Alice leaned into him as he said nodding in agreement.

"It must have been horrible to think we had betrayed you." Esme commented looking like she was lost in the past, Carlisle kissed her cheek and she seemed to come back to the present. I smiled at that subtle gesture of love and they smiled back.

"Are you going to take our help now?" Alice asked hopefully. I thought about it nightmares are one thing but delusions is where I draw the line. I nodded thoughtfully, how did you heal from something like this? I had barely survived this even with my mother with me.

"How do I heal from this?" I whispered my thought scared that there was either a simple obvious answer or that there wasn't one at all.

"It will take time and a lot of talking." Carlisle answered and I cringed, I don't do therapy. I mean I don't do the 'tell a stranger your problems to make them disappear' thing. "You can talk to us or a professional or you can talk to no one, though I would prefer you pick a person." He said noticing my reaction. I looked at him out of all the options talking to no one seemed the best and he didn't want me to do that. Dang.

"Fun." I said sarcastically, "I chose you guys, I guess." Carlisle smiled and stood. He had to be testing me to see if I meant what I had said. He walked towards me and I tried not to move away. Why was this bothering me now? On the streets I was fine but here I was afraid of men moving towards me? He stood an arms length from me and I gripped Rosalie tighter.

"With everything that's happened you will respond like you were... just attacked." Carlisle explained as he knelt in front of us, it was easier when he was shorter than me to sit there.

"Great!" I said trying to loosen my grip on Rosalie it took a moment but I managed to let go with one hand and extend it towards Carlisle and touch the side of his face. "It's a good thing I trust you all a lot more then any one else." I said relieved that he was cold under my finger tips. They all smiled at this. Carlisle stared me in the eye and slowly moved his hand to my arm and my heart didn't react at all. I smiled at this; he moved his hand to repeat my gesture and my heart nearly stopped. His hand was gone instantly but my eyes were wide. Once I could breathe normally I smile lightly at Carlisle.

"Sorry, he..." I mumbled moving my hand to touch his cheek, he was absolutely still as my fingers travelled to his chin. As my hand dropped he nodded his understanding. "Sorry." I said again.

"There's no need to apologise, I'm glad that your explaining but you have no reason to apologise, you did nothing wrong." Carlisle stated moving slightly back before standing again. I nodded though I was sad that I could be this broken by a man I hadn't seen in three years. Carlisle moved to the doorway and the others stood, there were too many people as I cringed into Rosalie's body. She rubbed my back and hummed a soft melody as everyone walked out slowly trying not to frighten me. Esme and Alice were the last to leave.

"You need to sleep Ez, your still recovering from the fever." She answered to my confused expression. I nodded and held on to her.

"Could you stay?" I asked praying she would agree. She nodded and stood offering her hand to me, I took it wondering where we were going.

"Do you want to sleep in here again tonight or go back to your room?" She asked remaking the bed, I looked around me and realised this had to be her and Emmet's room. It was a beautiful space the light pinky walls bright against the dark wood furniture.

"Do you mind if I stay here?" I asked as she turned back to me. She shook her head and reached out to me, I took her hand and got back into the bed. She pulled me into her arms and arranged the covers over us. The movement reminded me of mom and I blinked the tears away. She kissed the top of my head and began to hum again. I began to drift and was soon asleep in her arms.


	12. Maternal love

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter twelve

Maternal love

"Good morning Ez." Rosalie's voice broke through the fog in my head and I looked up into her eyes. She didn't look very happy; then again I had three nightmares last night and only managed a few hours of restful sleep.

"Time to get up?" I questioned not really having the energy to move. She nodded and sighed moving to help get me up.

"I know you're tired but you need to eat." She said and I had to agree with her though I wanted nothing more than to sleep forever if only the nightmares would let me. She pulled the covers down and climbed over me and out of the bed. I yawned and rolled over onto my back and moved towards the edge of the bed. She offered me her hand and helped pull me out of the bed. I stumbled after her rubbing my eyes and trying to shake off the exhaustion I felt.

Suddenly I was standing in the kitchen and everyone's eyes were on me. I wanted to run but Rosalie still had my hand. My eyes were on Emmet, he hadn't seemed so huge a few days ago. He smiled at me and I returned a much smaller one. Rose pushed me into a chair and went to help Esme with breakfast.

"It'll get better Ez." Carlisle said, "It just takes some time." I nodded as food appeared in front of me, it suddenly occurred to me that this was the first meal I had had in way too long and shovelled the food into my mouth barely tasting any of it.

"Thank you." I said after I had cleaned the plate, "I guess I was hungry." I felt like I had eaten much too much but I knew that would pass as my body processed the food. Exhaustion reclaimed me and even though I was acutely aware of the males in the room my eyes closed and I rested my head on my arms.

"Oh dear!" Esme said tapping me lightly on the shoulder, "You should probably get back to bed. How about I stay with you to give Rose sometime out of bed?" she asked and I looked to Rose who shrugged. I nodded and pushed myself up from the table. Esme took my hand and led me to my bed.

"Sorry I can't seem to stay awake." I mumbled as she tucked the blankets around me and she climbed onto the bed next to me.

"Don't be silly, you need to rest and recover. No one minds at all." She said putting her arms around me and pulling me to her side. My eyelids closed before she finished speaking and soon after I was out.

****

He stalked towards me as I stood in a small clearing, I didn't run after mom any more. Not that that improved the end result. I looked for something to defend myself with but found nothing, I screamed as I felt his arms slip over mine. I struggled to get free as he laughed into my ear.

"Ez! Wake up!" I heard and then I was being shaken. My eyes snapped open and I panted trying to push it away. I fell into Esme's arms seeking comfort in her very real presence. "Are you alright dear?" she asked as she rubbed circles on my back. I nodded as I continued my chant of 'not real.'

"Well I'm three for three now." I mumbled into her chest. I was so tired I drifted back to sleep seconds after the words left my mouth.

****

For the next four days I was passed from woman to woman. Other than trying to sleep and managing to eat without falling asleep in my food, I tried to talk to them. All in all the most I did was have nightmares no less than three per attempt at sleep. I was grumpy and groggy and beginning to hate every aspect of life.

"Kill me, please!" I begged as my head landed on the table top with a loud thump. "I can't take it any more." I pleaded exhaustion draining the energy from my voice.

"I have offered to give you sedatives other than that there is nothing I can do." Carlisle said he was frustrated that I refused to take sleeping pills. I didn't like the idea of taking a pill to put me out, mom had taken them.

"How about you hit me on the head?" I asked

"Ez will you at least try it and see if it helps?" Carlisle suggested and I shook my head.

"Mom was like a different person on those things." I said voicing my concerns, "She was a zombie." I finished my voice betraying my emotions. Carlisle nodded at this.

"Okay." He said and I relaxed. I thought he might slip them into my food if I refused again. "Thank you for telling me why you don't want them." He stated and I nodded at him. "What did your mother do when you were with her?" he asked and I thought about it.

"She did what Esme, Rose and Alice do. Hold me and stay. Sometimes though mom would talk to me?" I said not sure if it was important. My energy was fading, but it was a new record nearly an hour at the table.

"Why don't you try that out Alice?" he suggested as Alice came to stand beside me, I stood and walked after her, today she walked to her room and opened the door. Sometimes I slept in my bed sometimes I slept in theirs.

"Do you mind if Jasper sits in the room too?" she asked and I thought about Jasper there while I slept. I wasn't sure but I wanted to try. I nodded and Jasper entered the hallway a short distance behind me. I smiled at him tentatively; it really was so stupid to be apprehensive around them like this.

"Hey Jasper." I said having to clear my throat to get the words out.

"Ez, hopefully I won't make it too hard for you too sleep." He said sending calming waves at me and I sagged slightly. Alice pulled me into the room and tucked me into the bed as Jasper sat in the chair farthest from me.

"You don't have to sit so far away Jasper." I said sad that I kept him so restricted in his own house. My eyelids were really heavy but I fought them and sadly lost completely. Alice laughed lightly and I heard her say something but only listened to the sound of her words not their meaning. It sounded like a wind chime a small metal one, then I heard another voice it was much deeper like a really long wooden wind chime. I listened to them as I drifted.

"Ez?" someone called and I rolled over pushing myself into the pillows. "Its time to get up sleepy head!" Alice's voice was light and happy; I opened my eyes in question of her joy. She seemed to be radiating joy it made her even more beautiful. "You slept for 8 hours straight! No nightmares!" she answered my confused expression. I sat up, she was right I didn't have one nightmare!

"Congratulations Ez" Jasper said from behind me, and I turned and smiled at him. He was still sitting in the rocking chair across the room from me. It was nice to sleep without the worry of nightmares. I wanted to scream for joy but settled for bouncing slightly on the bed, hugging Alice and doing a weird sitting happy dance.

"I see you're in a good mood for a change!" She said once I settled down a bit. I nodded like a moron at her and she laughed. There was a knock at the door and Esme, Rose and the boys came in. It was for my benefit that only the girls hugged me while the boys smiled hugely from across the room. I tried to let it not bother me but it was so wrong to have to have them so far away just because of me.

"Well there you go! You just need someone talking while you sleep." Emmet said smiling at me and I nodded and shrugged. It was such a weird thing to need.

"Now you'll be able to sleep and we can start making some new progress." Carlisle said and I looked at him confused by what he meant by new progress. "Now we can work on talking, and getting comfortable with men." He said and I blushed it was such an odd thing to say. Everyone burst into laughter even Carlisle, I guess everyone needed a little stress release. "You didn't seem to mind Jasper being in the room when you slept, that's a step in the right direction." He said like it was an accomplishment, Way to fall a sleep in the presence of a male! Gold Star! I rolled my eyes and laid back down on the bed, surprisingly I was still really tired.

"Hey none of that!" Alice said pulling me back up into a sitting position, evil pixy. "You need to eat something." She replied to my frown.

Once I had eaten I sat at the table more awake then I had been in what felt in like forever. Edward was sitting across from me smiling.

"It's nice to see you so awake." He said in response to my gaze, "You have barely seen anything around you." He added looking sad.

"I still feel like the walking sleep deprived but oh well?" I said shrugging, "that will change hopefully." I said shrugging again. I sat there and study Edward he looked almost as tired as I felt. His eyes were a light Topaz, come to think of it most everyone's eyes but his were near black. "So when are you guys going to do what you demand of me?" I asked and they all looked at me curious as to my line of thought. "Eat? Well Drink." I said and they looked about sheepishly. "Gees you really don't look after yourselves right!" I said mimicking their own words and me and Edward laughed at that and before long they joined in.

"I suppose we all have been forgetting to take care of our own needs." Carlisle said, "I think we can easily go in shifts and fix that." He smiled and I shook my head.

"I think you should all go together, what's one night?" I said really wanting them to go and hunt, I hated to think of how tempting I must be to them when they were hungry. It was cruel to force them to deal with that as well as everything else.

"Now I don't know about that." Esme said looking worried about leaving me on my own.

"I can stay seeing as I have hunted recently, I think Ez is right you should go and hunt." Edward said eyeing me to see if I agreed, I nodded and this seemed to sway Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and Emmet. Rose and Esme seemed very hesitant to leave me.

"Edward can talk while I sleep, I'll be fine." I said hoping to convince them that I would be okay. All the while pleased that they cared enough to not want to leave me even for one night. I got up and hugged all three of them and big smile on my face. "I really love that you care so much!" I said tears running down my face, they hugged me back fiercely. I stepped back laughing a bit at the randomness only to have Rose and Esme wipe my tears away. I felt like I had gained three mothers who loved me dearly and I knew that they would be here for me for anything. Blushing I returned to my seat.

"Well it's settled then, tomorrow we leave to go hunting." Esme said smiling at me.


	13. Distant Realities

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Thirteen

Distant Realities

Once they started planning where they would go and such I began to feel uncomfortable, like they would leave and not come back. I pulled myself together tightly when Jasper put his hand on my shoulder. I knew my emotions were weighing on him and I hated it. I looked up at him and he nodded to my unspoken apology.

"Relax. Edward will be here with you." He said pushing gentle waves of calm at me. I blushed and let my head fall forward to rest on my arms. I wasn't sure if it made it better that Edward was staying with me or worse. I was beginning to enjoy his company but I kept my distance remembering my mother's pain.

"So what did you want to do tomorrow?" Edward asked knowing what emotions Jasper had picked up on. What did I want to do tomorrow? Sleep sounds good but other than that? No clue. Helpful really helpful I have an entire day to waste around Edward cause Esme and Rose would go nuts if I was on my own for a second and they weren't near. Rose had become decidedly motherly towards me, well more of a big sister that is overprotective, since I had refused to let go of her.

"I don't know... leave this house?" I said without much thought. I hadn't left this house in far too long though most of it was asleep or attempting to sleep. I paled as I realised, Tina's birthday! It was close to when I 'saw' Matthew. I had completely missed it!

"Ez?" Jasper asked getting the girls to realise my emotions. They were quickly surrounding me.

"Are you feeling okay?" Esme asked with her hand against my forehead.

"We don't have to go anywhere, we'll just stay here and hunt in shifts." Rose stated firmly rubbing circles on my back.

"Sorry." Alice said once it had quieted. "You weren't up to it, and well you might have escaped again." I hadn't moved from my previous position so I turned my head and looked up at her. "We can go tomorrow if you want?" she said trying to make it up to me. I just sank into my pit, I had been keeping track of days but I had forgotten Tina. I turned my head back to the table and just sat there trying not to feel horrible. She was just a kid and I had disappointed her. "We sent the gifts, signed them from you?" I nodded but remained still as Rose and Esme sat around me realising that they weren't helping.

"It's okay." I said softly, "I should have realised, I could've..." I mumbled not knowing how to finish the statement.

"We know how much you care for the Littles as you put it but you have to take care of yourself first." Carlisle said his voice carrying from across the room. I looked at him and noticed that other then Edward the boys were still a good distance from me. It was so weird but even as I wanted them closer I didn't even want them in the room with me. I pushed myself up from the table and looked at Alice, Rose and Esme wondering whose turn it was. Rose got up and I walked into the hallway staying far from the men and tried to push my emotions to the side, which didn't work as well as it had in the past.

****

I had been laying on Rose's bed her arms around me for nearly an hour now. It was frustrating I really wanted to sleep and my body wasn't co-operating. Rose was singing songs from all throughout her history and it was interesting to hear how she wove them together. Finally I had had enough and opened my eyes and turned to face her staying within her arms. She could read the irritation on my face and smiled softly.

"Can't sleep?" she asked her voice still soft and melodic as though she were still singing.

"I'm tired, exhausted really but I can't stop thinking." I replied hoping that once they were out of my head that I could sleep.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked as I knew she would.

"You're all so different in person. It's weird, I don't know what I thought would be if I ever met you." I said trying to organize my brain. She smiled at this and kissed my forehead before pulling back to look into my eyes.

"That's just because you're different than your mother and as she shaped you she shaped us. Once Bella entered our lives Edward and this family changed and once she left we changed more. We have had time to see all of our actions and make new choice from the old ones." Rose stated pulling me once again to her chest. I looked up at Rosalie as she said my mother's name with such regret though she was the first to say it. I knew my mother was big in my life almost bigger when she left it so I understood Rose's comments.

"That makes sense. But every one is so perfect." I commented. I was getting too warm facing Rose so I pulled back but took her hands in mine in order to stay connected to her.

"We're not perfect, not even close Elizabeth." Rose said while giggling slightly, "Why would you think we are?" she asked as her voice turned completely serious. I tried to give her an answer she would take.

"Beautiful, giving, selfless, smart..." I listed and she rolled her eyes.

"Beautiful, yes that it true but at a high cost. Giving only because we have taken so much in our way. Selfless I don't know Carlisle and Esme yes but I don't think I would say that in relation to me. As for smart it is only because we have more time to learn." She said looking into my eyes. "You are all these things also much more, kind, brave and determined." I couldn't really believe she thought that I was all that, it was nice of her to try but I knew it wasn't true.

"Can I come in?" Emmet called gently but loud enough to carry through the door. Rose looked at me and I nodded returning to her arms facing outward. Emmet's head poked through the door and I giggled at how odd it looked as if his head were floating there. Smiling at the sound he opened the door and came into the room shutting it behind him.

"Hi Emmet." I said recovering from my amusement. He sat in a chair part way in form the door and waved at me, I waved back smiling. Rose snorted but let her husband continue his antics.

"So I heard your conversation." He said, "I agree with Rose, you're also funny, cute, strong." He said his voice serious in his belief of his words. I was taken aback. He truly believed I was these things.

"But I'm not!" I whispered, "I'm plain, simple, weak and stupid. I don't even go to school!" I hated that they believed so much of me that was untrue. Rose held me tighter to her chest and began to sing again as she rubbed my arms. Emmet moved forward and gently brushed my tears away looking sad.

"You're wrong. You are perfect you just need to see it in yourself. You are beautiful. Amazing, astoundingly cute!" he said his voice softening as he spoke until the end when his smile was huge and happy. I smiled at him and his silliness. "I'm going to tell you everyday and one day you're going to know it's true."

"I agree, I think I'll join you, Em. Right now, you are smart, very smart." Rose said squeezing me gently. "Especially if you haven't been going to school, how long has it been since you were last in school?" she asked.

"I was 13. I think I was in grade 9." I answered as Emmet sat down in front of the bed.

"You are so very lucky to have gotten out of going to school." He said envy in his voice, I laughed at him.

"Emmet!" Rose said as moved and flicked him on the ear. "School is important."

"Ouch!" Emmet replied making me laugh at the silly expression on his face.

"So you're 16 Ez?" Rose asked and I nodded my eyes closing. "You might just have to come to school with us after the move." I was going to ask her what that meant but I began to drift and didn't bother to try.


	14. Sweet whispers

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter fourteen

Sweet whispers

Walking in this beautiful forest that was covered in moss was amazing. I was wearing this white gauzy dress that only barely reached my knees. It matched one I had worn a long time ago but I could place its importance. The sun was setting as I reached the edge of the forest.

A woman was sitting on the cliff that was only a few steps from me she seemed to be crying. I was about to ask her if I could help when suddenly she turned and stared at me. Though she had my mother's face it was distorted into pure hatred.

"How could you! How dare you! He is my true love!" she screamed at me and jumped over the edge vanishing from sight. I crumpled to the ground I'm hurting her! I cried until I felt the world shake and heard a soft voice call my name.

"Ez?" Rose said, "honey its time to get up" I opened my eyes and got my bearings. Neither Rose nor Emmet seemed worried so I must have been silent while dreaming that horribleness. I pushed myself into Rose's arms and let myself wake up gently. She wrapped her arms around me. "We don't have to go anywhere if you don't want." She said and I looked up at her.

"No you need to hunt. I don't mind I just had a weird dream." I said relaxed but awake in her arms. Emmet cocked an eyebrow and started making weird faces. Trying to keep a straight face I flicked him and immediately regretted it. "Ow." That seriously hurt. Rosalie flicked him and this time I laughed as he scrunched up his face. "Thanks Rose." I said sitting up and stretching out.

"No problem, no lets see about actually dressing you today." She said as she pulled me towards the closet. "Alice went shopping for you." I looked at the over filled closet intimidated. "What would you like to wear?" I shrugged and sat back down on the bed.

"Um... I don't know. Why don't you pick something for me?" I said staring at the scary amounts of clothing the small closet held. Emmet chuckled and I glared at him. Rose smiled and began to pick through the masses of clothing.

"How about this blue blouse and these black skinny jeans?" she asked holding out the clothing. I shrugged and took them noticing the underwear she had also picked. Walking towards the bathroom I had a quick shower and changed into the outfit Rose picked. The water felt really nice and I wanted to stay in the shower forever.

"Ez! Not all day please!" I heard Alice's voice shout through the door and I finally turned off the water. "Thank you!" she called as I dried off and got dressed. Silly impatient vampires. Once I had pulled on the jeans which were a little loose I heard a knock at the door and shook my head.

"Come on in already." I said doing up the pants. Alice and Rose burst into the room.

"Can we do your hair and make-up?" Alice asked and I giggled nodding. I was then pulled towards the mirror and they began drying my hair and commenting on what colours to use.

"I'm not even leaving the house." I mumbled and they chuckled.

"That's no reason not to look your best. Oh today I say that you are definitely your mother's daughter. Beautiful but shy." Rose commented and I remember what both Rose and Emmet had promised to say everyday. I blushed and wanted to kill Emmet for this.

"Hmmm... I say that she is more rebellious, strong and wild." Alice said and I stared at her in horror please tell me they all weren't going to start doing this. Both giggled and soon Alice took hold of my face and began to apply make-up. Soon enough they were done, my eyes looked smoky but the lip gloss made my lips really stand out on my face. My hair which had transformed from a rats nest into long locks that had a slight curl to them looked exactly like my mothers. I gasped and hugged them. "No problem Ez. It was fun." She said as she and Rose moved to free me from the bathroom. Emmet was still sitting by the bed; he stood and smiled at me.

"You look really pretty Ez. But today..." he said smiling as I groaned, "I think I would say your defiant, just like your mom." He said and I smiled lightly and walked slowly towards him. My heart sped up and everything in me wanted to stay away but I walked up to him and hugged him. He was startled but slowly, very slowly wrapped his arms around my back.

"I hate you, but thanks." I said staying in his arms trying to relax. He chuckled and kissed the top of my head letting me go.

"Well if that's how you hate somebody I could get used to it." He said laughing I smiled at him but rolled my eyes. Alice and Rose were beaming as I turned back to leave and get breakfast. I was soon wrapped in both of their arms as their happiness bubbled.

"Let's go feed the human." Edward commented from the door and I blushed deeply thinking of my dream.

****

Two days of peaceful-ish nights sleep does a lot for the human body. I watched as they packed up the two cars they were taking and tried not to frown. Perhaps this day and night alone with Edward wasn't such a good idea. I would rather be left completely alone, not true but still.

"Okay that's everything." Carlisle said as he turned to look at me. I smiled the fakest smile possible but he didn't comment on it. He was still beaming from me hugging Emmet this morning I tried to let his happiness fill me as I looked at them. After hugs from all the women the men looked at me as if asking if they could approach.

"So very silly." I mumbled as I moved to hug each of them individually, it wasn't nearly as hard as I thought but I knew Emmet wanted to give me one of his bear hugs. I wasn't ready to be lifted off the floor in a hug though, so I smiled at him and he ruffled my hair. The last one I hugged was Carlisle and he beamed down at me.

"You have made a huge leap in adjusting to us Ez. Be proud of that." He said tilting my head to look him in the eyes. I nodded and let go of him. I really didn't want to be here alone with the man that both loved and left my mother. Even if I wanted it more than I was ready to admit.

As they drove away I watched as those not driving waved back at me. I smiled and waved until I could no longer see them before I turned to Edward.

"So what are we going to do today?" he asked and I shrugged, I hadn't the faintest idea. "Well we could go for a walk, or go shopping, or go to the shelter... or... watch movies?" he said listing lots of possible activities. I would love to go for a walk, but by myself and I don't think that was an option.

"Watch movies?" I said with a shrug. Shopping is an Esme, Alice and Rose thing is suppose and everyone wanted to go to the shelter so we would do that when they got back. "What movies do you have?" I asked as we moved into the front room with the huge tv/computer thingy. I really didn't know much about technology having not been around it much.

"We have pretty much anything you might want to watch." He said opening one of the dark wood cabinets and pulling out a book of discs. Wow, lots of options. The last movie I remember watching was Anastasia, it has always been my favourite.

"Umm... anything works really." I said plopping down onto the couch. He looked through the book and stopped on a few pages.

"We have romance, Disney, action, drama?" he asked unable to choose for us.

"Anything Edward. Fluff is probably a good idea but other than that I haven't got a clue." I said and he nodded pulling out a disc and slipping it into the player.

"Vampire movie it is..." he said smiling, "Kidding, Wall-E okay?" he asked and I shrugged having no idea what the movie was about. He sat on the same couch but as far from me as he could. I rolled my eyes but didn't comment on it.

Turns out Wall-E is a cute animated movie about robots. I really liked it, but then again it is a love story. After that we watched a vampire movie as per my request. As soon as he mentioned it I knew we had too. We watched Queen of the Damned which wasn't bad, it was oddly anticlimactic though. Edward explained that the actress playing the queen or whatever died half way through filming so they had to edit it to make it work, I guess that explains it.

"How about lunch?" Edward asked after the vampire movie, it still was far too amusing watching that with him. He shook his head at some of the antics but all and all I wanted more of a reaction like him yelling at the movie for being false. I guess Emmet and I would have to watch one if I wanted that reaction. I nodded and followed him into the kitchen.

"What's on the menu today?" I asked wondering if Edward could cook. He looked at me and then at the fridge and back again. I giggled as I moved to see what would be good.

"I... well I don't cook." He replied sheepishly and I giggled. Why would a vampire that doesn't eat want to know how to cook? It was weird enough that Esme and Rose seemed to know how. But I guess Esme does charity things and stuff so that made sense Rose knowing how was just odd.

"Silly vampire, food is for humans." I said parroting one of the commercials that's considered to be classic. I just thought it was weird really, I mean it was weird and not all that funny to mock a giant rabbit. Edward smiled and sat down at the counter as I placed the makings of a sandwich on the counter as the phone rang. Must be Alice making sure I eat right; I swear she was just as bad as the other two.

"Hello, yes Alice. I know Alice... Rose I know I am making sure she eats..." he said the conversation exactly what I thought it was. I giggled as I pulled out the bread, silly mommy vampires are being over protective. I stilled at that thought, they were my mothers. I thought of them that way and it only made me feel bad that I replaced my mother so easily. I loved them but I felt like I had betrayed my mother.

I felt tears begin to fall and tried to hide them hoping he wouldn't notice. As I hid in the bread cupboard for much longer then I needed to.

"What?... Ez? Why are you crying." He said as he came towards me, I just shook my head not trusting my voice. I had to stop crying like this, it was so weak to cry at the drop of a hat. He turned me around and I tried to stop him but he's much strong than I am obviously. "You are. What's wrong?" he said almost pulling me into a hug before he stopped and held the phone to my ear.

"Ez? Are you okay honey?" Alice questioned and I heard Rose in the background demanding to know what was wrong and to turn around.

"Nothing." I said though my voice cracked and made me completely unconvincing. Tears began to stream down my face, this was so silly. I know my mom would want me to be happy it just felt wrong for me to have new mothers in her place.

"Ez, do you need us to come home? We don't mind in the slightest love." Rosalie asked taking the phone from Alice. I shook my head and then realised she couldn't see me.

"That would be a no." Edward said chuckling at me slightly to which I scowled at him and he stopped.

"No. I just... I'm just being silly." I said and my voice held. I could tell that neither of them were sure and were probably on their way back or something stupid. "I just miss my mom." I said knowing it would stop them judging by the sudden lack of wind confirmed that it did.

"I know love. But you're okay?" Alice asked and I nodded.

"That would be a yes." He said a smile on his face and I glared at him. "She seems to be okay now." He said taking the phone back and I took the two pieces of bread to the counter as I wiped my face with my sleeve. "Yes of course now go hunt." He said as he hung up the phone.

I ate my sandwich as Edward watched and I made faces at him for being weird. What the fascination is with vampires and watching humans eating is beyond me. He laughed and we headed back into the front room to watch some more movies.

This time it was Charlotte's web and Anastasia I was punishing him for being a weird vampire, cause there's such a thing as a normal vampire but still. I like these movies and well he could handle them, it's not like I picked something like a Disney princess movie that would just be mean. By time Anastasia was over I was really tired and glad that we hadn't done much.

"You really should eat dinner." He said as I walked back to my bedroom. I shook my head I still felt full from lunch there was no way I was going to be eating dinner. "Ez, please they'll kill me if you don't eat something." That was a new one and I hesitated momentarily before smiling back at him.

"I'm sure they'll only rip you to pieces Esme would let you burn." I said and he stared at me shocked that I knew how to kill a vampire. "There is always a way to kill the bad guy Edward." I stated as I opened my door and walked to my bed throwing myself onto it.

"There are something's I wish your mother hadn't told you." He said sighing softly as he sat in the rocking chair near my bed.

"Would it have been better if she told me you could never die and that therefore the bad vampires are always looming Edward?" I asked and his eyes shot to me.

"No I guess that knowing that vampires can and do die is a good thing then." He said defeated, and I smiled. "But you really ought to eat dinner." He finished and I rolled my eyes I thought I had dodged that.

"Nope." I said as I pulled myself into bed.

"Ez you should at least change out of your clothing." He said smiling once more. I shrugged and continued my pursuit of the soft comfort of the bed. For the last three years I had slept in my clothing I really didn't see the point in changing them. "Come on, Alice will definitely kill me if I can't get you to eat or change into pyjamas." I sighed and pushed myself out of the bed, I had been so close to completely settled in the bed.

"What clothes do I sleep in?" I said moving towards the closet, they all looked like normal clothes not sleepwear. "Gah, too much clothing!" I sighed as I retreated towards the bed but Edward blocked my way. "Stupid vampires." I said looking at him. Chuckling he handed me a set of clothes and left the room shutting the door behind him. I dressed slowly nearly falling over a few times, I was much to tired to still be up. Finally I got them on and crawled back into my bed when there was a knock on the door I rolled my eyes but didn't answer. Stupid vampire.

"Ez? May I come back in?" Edward asked through the door and I giggled but said nothing. "I suppose if you want me to stay out here I can have a conversation with the door." I commented and I brusted into laughter.

"Silly vampire. Come in Edward." I sighed catching my breath, he poked his head into the room and then came and sat back down in the rocking chair.

"What shall I talk about?" he asked and I shrugged not bothering to open my eyes.

"Like I should know what do the others talk about?" I asked yawning.

"They talk to each other, there is no one else here though." He said and I felt bad, he was going to have to sit there and talk about nothing to nobody.

"You don't have to stay Edward." I said opening my eyes, "I mean I should be fine." I was trying for confident and failed horribly as he raised an eyebrow and smirked at me. I rolled my eyes and rolled over. "Silly vampire." I sighed, curling up looking for the arms that normally held me. I knew they wouldn't be here but it woke me up realising that.

I couldn't seem to get comfortable without their arms. I lay on my back and stared at the ceiling angry at myself for being so weak. I looked over at Edward who was reading a book aloud.

"Something wrong?" he asked as I looked at him. I shrugged and he went back to reading. After a few minutes I realised it was Wuthering Heights one of my mom's favourites. She read it to me along with other books like The Little Princess, The Secret Garden, Pride and Prejudice, Romeo and Juliet, and her fairy tales. I listened as he told me of Heathcliff and Catherine when they were children and tried not to cry. His voice though lovely was not hers.

"Please stop." I whispered and the room fell silent. I listened to my heart beat and willed myself not to cry.

"I'm sorry I didn't realise this would be so..." he said pain in his voice. I shook my head it wasn't his fault.

"Its okay, she just would read that to me." I said curling into a small ball.

"I should have known better Elizabeth. I'm sorry." He said unsure of what to do.

"Not your fault." I mumbled and again the room was quiet. I could hear him breathing, my breath and heart beat it was so still.

"What should I do?" he asked uncertainty clear in his voice. I shrugged but then realised cocoon as I was he probably could tell.

"I really don't know." I said the sudden loudness of my voice startled me. I hadn't realised his voice was so soft.

"You don't seem comfortable, and I am probably not helping. Perhaps the girls should come home." He said his voice unsure. I shook my head glad that since it popped out of the blankets that he could see it.

"No. I just haven't slept on my own for a while and that story didn't help." I said and he sighed.

"I know you are not exactly comfortable with us but I could hold you? If you want." He said and I pondered, I had hugged the others surely falling asleep in his arms would be okay. But would I wake up well being in his arms? I didn't know and I wondered if it would go very badly. Instead of voicing any of this is nodded and he got up from the chair.

I felt the weight of him as he climbing on the bed and my heart went nuts. I nodded at him to tell him to keep going, it was just so similar to... I stopped the thought and told myself over and over that it is only Edward. That he would never hurt me until he was lying next to me.

"Your heart is beating very quickly." He said and as soon as I heard his voice I calmed considerably it is so different then Matthew's.

"Keep talking and I won't confuse you with him." I said as silence fell again and my heart rate increased dramatically.

"What shall I talk about?" he asked and I shrugged, "Perhaps I will merely talk about your mother and how I met her?" he asked and I nodded feeling my eyes get heavy and I put my head on his shoulder. He told me of the first time they met and his horrible reaction and I giggled slightly. Before long his voice was merely a tone and I began to drift proud that I had managed to sleep with him so close.

****

"You are so like her. I'm glad that she managed to have at least one great joy in her life. You are that you know. I can tell that she loves you so much. That picture you drew of her is proof of her love. She showed you her love every moment that she looked at you. I'm glad that you remember her like that, considering all the bad... it could easily block out anything happy." I heard Edward's voice as I woke slowly, "I wish I knew what to make of you or what you think of me. You had to inherit her silent mind." He didn't realise I could hear him! Edward still thinks I'm asleep!

I moved and adjusted myself to where I was and to let him know I was awake. My head was on his chest and most of my body was wrapped around him. I guess I don't mind him being close while I sleep. I was embarrassed at how I had basically mounted him in my sleep.

"Good morning Elizabeth." Edward said smiling down on me as I looked up at him blushing. He sighed and gently brushed his finger against the blush on my cheeks. I marvelled at him, it seemed odd to me that someone as hard as stone would make a good pillow.

"Morning... pillow." I greeted and let my face fall back down to his chest, I really didn't feel like moving. He chuckled but made no move to kick me out of bed.

"You seemed rather upset that I got warmed by you and periodically hunted for a cold spot." He said laughing, I shrugged I like cold pillows what's wrong with that?

"Well you should have kept cold then." I told him noticing that the spot my head had fallen on a warm spot and I moved to adjust. "You did it again evil warm-able rock." I said and he chuckled. I was closing my eyes again when I realised it didn't bother me in the slightest to be this close to him. I shot up and stared at him and poked him like he might be an illusion.

"Why are you poking me?" he asked laughter filling his voice, I shrugged and continued to poke him until he pushed my hand aside.

"Edward? Hug me." I ask stated and he slowly moved to hug me and my heart made no response at all. "Well there you go, I have to sleep with each of you to get over being close to you." I said and then realising how that sounded made a face to which both of us ended up laughing. "Okay not like that but still." I said finally catching my breath.

"It does appear that you have no reaction to me now." He said tightening his grip as he hugged me again, still no reaction. I smiled at him and moved to get out of bed to phone my moms. Edward's cell phone rang and I grabbed it from his hand.

"Hi!" I said happily and heard laughter on both sides of the phone.

"You seem happy! I am so glad that we have a solution to this mess!" Alice called and I giggled at her excitement. I could hear movement and then the phone must have changed hands.

"Oh honey this is great! I am so very proud of you!" Esme exclaimed and I beamed at Edward who chuckled. Again the phone changed hands and I knew Rose would be the next one on the phone before she spoke.

"Ez this is marvellous! I hope you know you have all of us bouncing like Alice in the middle of the forest." Rose said her happiness overpowering her voice at points. I tried to picture my vampires bouncing like sugar high teenagers and it was very amusing. Silly sparkly vampires high on sugar.

"Go figure the solution would be something I would never have thought of." Carlisle called to the phone and I smiled. No it definitely wasn't a normal way to come to terms with men. I can only imagine a counsellor saying to some girl 'oh go and find and guy and sleep in the same bed with him, it will totally cure you.' The response would be even better.

"So how goes it?" I asked as Edward got up from the bed and I glared at him. I didn't want to get out of bed yet even if I already had. He chuckled but laid back down again.

"It is going well." Rose said, "You really should have eaten dinner last night, though I am glad Edward managed to get you into pj's." She said and I blushed purple at the thought of all of them knowing about that.

"Ahh Mom!" I exclaimed burying my head in the blankets as Edward chuckled. All I heard on the other end of the phone was a deep intake of air. I realised that I had called her mom and I know my blush deepened. Did she not want me to think of her that way? I held my breath and waited for a response on the other end. "Sorry." I said giving into the awkwardness.

"You have nothing to be sorry for!" Rose stated rather loudly but I could here happiness in her voice. I smiled she didn't mind that I think of her that way. I lifted my head as I heard Edward chuckle again.

"Shut up Edward!" I shouted at him, it was not funny.

"Don't worry about it Ez I'll talk to him when I get back." Rose said and I smiled as Edward's fell. I stuck out my tongue and he chuckled.

"So when will you guys be back?" I said changing the topic before my head exploded from embarrassment.

"We'll be back before you go to bed tonight." Alice said as she stole the phone from Rose. "So if Rose is mom what does that make me and Esme?" she asked and I heard a few Alice's being shouted in the background. I blushed deeply and hit Edward when he smirked at me. It only hurt my hand but it was worth it.

"Your all mom of course, silly pixy vampire." I said and again there was silence on the other end.

"We love you too Ez." Alice said as she handed the phone over to Carlisle who had been asking for it since the beginning of the whole conversation.

"Ez I would prefer if you eat all meals today okay?" he said in his professional voice and I nodded smiling at him, he was such a doctor. "Take care and try not to get into any trouble. Love you." He said and I smiled with tears in my eyes.

"Love you too." I answered and handed the phone to Edward brushing at my eyes with my sleeve. He smiled and hung up the phone.

"You made Rose's lifetime when you called her mom." Edward commented and I looked at him and shrugged.

"But that's what she is too me, they all are." I said and pointed at him and then to the closet. "Pick something so I can go and begin eating the first of my mandatory three meals today." I said and he chuckled pulling out a set of clothes.

"Alice put these here for you yesterday." He said as he handed them to me. I should have realised that she would do that, between the three of them they worried over every little thing.


	15. Established family

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter fifteen

Established Family

The day passed much the same as the day before only with different movies and me currently seated staring at the food in front of me willing it to disappear. Much to my dismay it simply wouldn't vanish and save me the torture of having to eat it.

"I'm pretty sure that the fries and chicken strips won't hurt you Ez." Edward said as he sat across from me highly amused by me.

"If they won't then you eat them, smarty pants." I said wishing I hadn't promised to sit and eat my third meal. I wasn't allowed to leave the table until the food on my plate was gone. Sadly it was my own self imposed rule so I couldn't just whine and try and get out of it. He laughed but made no move to eat them for me, dang I was hoping he'd save me from the evil food.

"Their getting cold just sitting there on your plate. I'm sure it won't taste as good cold." He said though as he said good he grimaced. I sighed and took a bite and wanted to throw up, yum! I forced myself to eat the whole strip.

"That really doesn't taste good." I said, maybe if I played sick he wouldn't let me eat the rest of it and it wouldn't be a lie I really was still full from lunch. Edward arched an eyebrow and I forgot my plans there was no way I was going to get out of eating the food in front of me. "Can you heat it up for me while I quickly run to the washroom an throw up?" I said and he looked at me hard.

Taking the plate he put it in the microwave and set it watching me. Obviously no washroom visits now. I sighed and stayed sitting hoping the paranoid vampire would let it go. Edward was suddenly looking out the window smiling they were home! I got up to go and welcome him when his eyes turned to me and I grumbled and sat down again.

"Next time I am not promising anything about eating." I said as I listened for the sounds of their approach. After a minute I heard the tires on the road leading to the house and began to bounce in my seat. I was really looking forward to seeing them. I had really missed them in the last two days and couldn't wait to hug them all.

Edward was shaking his head at me as they burst through the door. I only barely managed to stay seated as I saw them enter the kitchen. I was bouncing but refused to move form the table until I had eaten all my food, evil food. I waved at them and they looked from Edward to me.

"It wasn't me!' He exclaimed, "She decided that she would sit at the table until she finished her food. We've been sitting there for the last hour." He said as the microwave beeped and I groaned. Evil, evil food! Everyone laughed and sat around the table with me.

"You know that I wanted you to try to eat all meals not to force yourself to." Carlisle asked as he sat beside me I nodded but I knew I had over done it.

"I just wanted to eat all three meals." I said blushing, it was silly to think I could eat after eating a full bowl of popcorn after lunch.

"She ate quite a bit more today, the first two meals and then a bowl of popcorn." Edward said as if it was an accomplishment. I shrugged and stared at the evil remaining food when it suddenly vanished. I looked up to see who had moved it. Emmet's smile was huge and I glared at him.

"What? You were staring at it like you wanted it to die." He said and I giggled.

"Well it was evil." I said and we all end up laughing.

"There you go. You really should eat evil food, cause they say you are what you eat." Emmet stated firmly a huge smile still on his face. I wonder does that make Emmet a Grizzly Bear? I nodded and got up and hugged him.

"Thank you for saving me from the evil food." I said and he smiled down at me.

"Well if that's the thanks then I would have done it." Jasper said and I rolled my eyes and hugged him.

"Silly Jasper." I said as I let go and he smiled at me. I looked at each of them and was very happy they were back. "I'm glad your home." I said and everyone smiled at me and there was a mix of me too's and such.

"So what did the two of you get up too?" Esme asked as she moved to hug me. Kissing the top of my head and eventually letting me go. I looked at Edward with an evil grin.

"Oh not much, just chick flicks and reading Wuthering Heights." I said and knew Edward would be blushing if he could. The boys laughed and everyone had a smile on their face. I giggled and Edward chuckled with me.

"Well that's the last time I let you pick the movies." He said smiling his crooked grin and I stuck my tongue out at him. And was swept into Rosalie's arms, her grip was fierce. I smiled up at her as she kissed the top of my forehead and my cheeks. I giggled as she smothered me in kisses. Everyone laughed with me and eventually she stopped looking down at me with love and joy. I pushed myself to my tiptoes and kissed her cheek.

"It's good to see you too mom." I said and she smiled even brighter than before, though I'm not certain how that is possible.

"I missed you." She said as she loosened her grip on me and straightened my clothes. I made no move to get away from her and so Alice chuckled as she walked over and kissed my cheeks before standing wrapped in her husband's arms. We stayed like that for a while but I started to get tired and yawned. Sadly everyone took this to mean bedtime for the human.

"Jasper since its Alice's turn would you like to..." Carlisle started and I began to giggle hysterically.

"Jasper will you be my pillow?" I asked as he calmed me down. Everyone got a kick out the phrase I used.

"I would be delighted to be your pillow." He said bowing to me slightly which only got me giggling like a nut job again.

"Careful Jasper there's a requirement." Edward said and I looked at him before blushing. "You must not get warm, she will swat at you if you fail and try to find another place to rest her head." I wanted to kick him for that; luckily Rose smacked the back of his head as I had seen her do to Emmet. Edward looked surprised but not in the least bit regretful. "Ow." He said and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Lets get out of here pillow and Alice." I said taking their hands and walking out of the kitchen. I got to the stairs and then let them lead. Yawning again I stumbled slightly on the stairs and Jasper caught me before I could loose my balance. "Thanks." I said holding on to his arm as we continued up the stairs.

"Our room?" Alice asked and I nodded as she opened her door and soon I was sitting on her bed in my pj's yawning again. "Okay get in the bed, Ez." Alice said chuckling. And I tried to get under the covers without leaving the bed; it was harder than it looked. Finally managing I looked over at Jasper who looked unsure.

"Pillow?" I asked and he smiled at me and he moved towards the bed. It was weird watching him walk towards me so uncertain. I held out my hand and he took it as he slowly got on the bed. My heart raced as the weight shifted and I locked my eyes on his trying to tell him to talk.

"Jasper you need to talk to her." Alice said as she moved slightly closer to the bed. He nodded.

"So where do you want me Ez?" He asked, "This is odd, but do you sleep on the right or left?" he asked and I giggled my heart slowing and I shrugged.

"I don't really have a preference." I answered and he hopped slightly over me so that I was on the right closer to the chair that Alice was sitting in. I gasped at his movements and my eyes went wide.

"Are you alright darlin'?" he asked his accent strong and completely distracted me from the thoughts of Matthew. I nodded and curled into him as my heart slowed. "So just keep talkin' and this is easier for you? Okay I honestly have no clue what to say. Other then that I am glad that you see us as family, cause you are family to us." He said and Alice and I laughed and I smiled up at him as I got comfortable. I pushed myself closer to him and his arms ended up wrapped around me as he continued to describe the room around us.

"I'm going to turn off the lights okay Ez?" Alice said and I nodded resting my head on Jasper's chest. As the light went out I listened to Jasper's voice making sure I didn't react.

"Did you know that when all you see is the dark that vampire eyes see a multitude of new colors?" Jasper asked and I shook my head, what did the dark look like to their eyes. "Some of the light colours are lost but it's not the shades of blue you see, it's like a new rainbow takes over." Though I was interested in what he was talking about I began to drift off to sleep.

****

The sun glinted down as I ran, fast and free... it was exhilarating and for a moment I forgot that I was running for my life. He was after me but I couldn't wipe the smile from my face. As I tired I slowly and soon I was dancing in a field twirling about laughing, it so different this place in the light of day. I knew I was standing in the same forest I had run through for most of my life and yet I was enjoying it, I was happy to be here.

As he stepped out into the clearing I froze fear finally reaching me and my happy bubble burst. Why had I been happy? I couldn't recall and now I trembled with his gaze piercing me. As he began to laugh I turned to run and slammed into someone.

Looking up into Jasper's golden eyes I knew I was safe. He would never let Matthew harm me. Turning slowly to face Matthew I held on to Jasper's hand. I felt them all surround me protecting me loving me. I smiled triumphantly at Matthew but my smile wavered as he laughed.

"You think they can save you!" he laughed and I cringed away from the sound. "You are mine! My little girl! Nothing! Nothing will stop me from having what's mine." He shouted this at me and I leaned into Jasper's side frightened.

"You will not touch her." They all said to him and again he was laughing at us as they raced towards him. I screamed.

"Ez!" Jasper called and I bolted up right and wrapped my arms around my knees. I searched the room for him and let my head rest against my knees when I saw that he wasn't here. "Ez?" Jasper asked again looking uncertain as if he should hug me or get off the bed. I pushed myself into him and wrapped my arms around him as tears fell from my eyes.

"Ez? Are you alright?" I heard Alice ask as she rubbed circles on my back. I nodded not letting go of Jasper.

"The emotions are dissipating." Jasper answered after and I revelled in the sound of his voice. His arms wrapped around me and he began to hum. I relaxed completely in his arms and felt just as safe as when I stood next to him. "I'm glad you feel safe with me." He said and I moved to look up at him so he could see my love for him in my eyes.

"I love you as much as I love my moms." I said looking at him did they not understand that I love them all equally? "I was dreaming about Matthew." I said deciding to tell him about my dream. "It was daytime and the forest looked so pretty that I was running for the fun of it. I kept forgetting that he was following me. I got to this clearing it was so pretty with wild flowers that I stopped and ended up dancing in the meadow. Then he appeared and I got scared and turned to run away but I hit something. It was you." I said smiling at him. "I knew that you would keep me safe, that was why I wasn't afraid."

"Ez you woke up screaming." Alice said from her spot on the bed in front of me.

"That was after Matthew got really big like he always did when I was small. Everyone was there but he was laughing and I thought that he was going to hurt you." I said pushing myself further into Jasper's arms. He chuckled and Alice sighed softly.

"He can't hurt us Ez. We're vampires remember?" Jasper said feeling my fright. I nodded I knew that I truly did.

"It was just he might have hurt you in the dream." I said and Jasper laughed and hugged me.

"Ah so you were worried about the dream forms of us." Alice said her voice filled with amusement and she began to giggle at the end. "That's so sweet." She said kissing the top of my head. I smiled at her.

"Go back to sleep Ez. He can't hurt you and most certainly not us." Jasper whispered and I felt the pull of sleep and began to drift off to sleep again.


	16. Normalcy kind of

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Sixteen

Normalcy... Kinda

"Gees kid your killing me!" Jasper exclaimed as he fidgeted with me. I shrugged and went back to bouncing in place staring at the car. Today we were going down to the shelter and I couldn't wait any longer. Sure I've only been awake for the last 3 hours but it felt much longer.

"Can we go now?" I asked for the millionth time and Jasper sighed next to me. Esme smiled but shook her head.

"You need to eat the last of your lunch." She said cleaning the spotless kitchen I knew everyone was just as eager as I was but I couldn't contain mine. I looked at the half eaten meal in front of me and began to shovel it into my mouth. "Easy now, no need to choke!" Esme said giving me the 'do-as-your-mother-tells-you look.' I slowed but continued to pack the food into my mouth chewing and swallowing.

"Done!" I exclaimed and I heard laughter throughout the house. Alice and Rose were picking out the perfect outfit for me; Carlisle was finishing something in his office. Esme and Emmet and Jasper were in the kitchen with me, all of them laughed but Esme shook her head as she did.

"Good! Now go and get Alice-ified and we can go!" cheered Emmet as he took my plate and shoved me towards the hall. I giggled but booked it up the stairs to my room. Rose and Alice were arguing about which blouse I was going to wear. I sat on the bed and watched them; it was rather amusing only because I couldn't tell what the big difference was in the two deep green blouses.

"Ez, you decide three quarter length sleeves or full." Alice sighed and turned to show me the two blouses. Okay they are totally nuts. I looked from shirt to shirt I still couldn't see what the difference in sleeves was. I grabbed the pants on the bed and then both shirts and headed to the bathroom.

Pulling the light grey dress slacks I looked again at the shirts and pulled one on. It fit okay but was a bit too short landing higher on my waist then I was comfortable with. I quickly tried the other and it was a little shorter in the sleeves but perfect in the length.

"I told you she wouldn't like the length of the other one." Alice stated and I threw the shirt at her. Rose ignored her and twirled me around looking critically at the clothing.

"You were right this is a much better style anyway." Rose stated as she stopped spinning me and hugged me from behind. Leaning against her slightly dizzy I noticed the high heels they had picked out. I eyed them nervously.

"I've never worn shoes like that." I stated and they looked at each other and smiled.

"No worries. We have flats for you too." Alice said handing me a pair of flats and taking away the other pair. "But your going to have to learn to walk in heels sometime." I nodded at least I wasn't as klutzy as mom. "Now for hair and make-up."

****

The drive took forever and I was relegated to the car without Jasper because he couldn't take my bouncing any more. Carlisle drove Esme, Edward and I, it was impossible not to fidget and stare out the front windshield looking for the shelter. Edward chuckled at me but other than that the drive was quite other than my mumblings of are we there yet?

"We are less than two minutes away Ez." Edward announced and I jumped startled at the sound of his voice. My smile grew and I began to bounce in my seat.

"How do you like my impression of Alice?" I asked and the car was filled with laughter, "I think I'm getting good at it." I finished managing to keep myself for laughing. Edward shook his head but was grinning nonetheless.

"I wouldn't mind a less bouncy more Ez experience." Edward said as we parked the car and met up with the others who had arrived much quicker than us.

"Nah." I replied bouncing up and down like Alice as my mom described her. Calming slightly as we walked towards the women's shelter I tried to imagine the faces of the kids as I walked in. Would they recognise me dressed so differently? Emmet opened the door for me and I walked in leading the family behind me.

"Can we help you?" Emily asked as I approached the counter. She was an older woman not nearly old but in her mid forties. She obviously dyed her hair but her personality made up for her human imperfections it was hard not to love this over protective big sister. Even when she kicked you out for not following the rules.

"I would like a bed for the night." I said as I always did when I walked in. "Something with a view would be lovely and of course nothing on the main floor will do." She stared at me open mouthed and I moved around the counter and hugged her. "How you doing Em?" pushing me back and spinning me around she smiled hugely and hugged me to her chest.

"I couldn't be better girly!" she cried, "When you didn't come I began to worry, but you sent gifts so I had hope. But nothing this marvellous! You look... you look happy girly! You've made my day, maybe even my year by being here looking like that!" I smiled at her blushing and then realising that I hadn't introduced the Cullens.

"Well drat! I thought I had been polite but I forgot to introduce you to my family!" I said turning to face them. "These are the Cullens; it's because of them that I managed to send the gifts. This is Carlisle and Esme and their children Rose, Alice, Jasper, Emmet and Edward." I said pointing to each in turn and Em nodded to each of them and looked a little put off. "Ah come on Em! They don't bite. But they are crazy enough to take me in so, I guess that don't say much." She laughed at me and moved forward to shake their hands. I knew she just needed a bit of a push.

"Its nice to meet good people, so often its creeps and creatures for us here." Em said as she stepped back beside me. "You've got your hands full with this one." She commented and I pouted and stomped my foot. "Just as I said you're hands are definitely full." Everyone laughed and relaxed a little.

"Gee thanks Em." I said, "So nice of you to blow my cover!" I said and she giggled with me. Taking my hand and directing the others to follow us she led us to the main room of the shelter. Most of the kids were gathered together playing with the huge dollhouse or the castle. Both were knew and I loved that they were well liked by the kids, they were big enough to be play with by many but with lots of figures so everyone had something.

I looked around and didn't see Tina right away. Until I noticed the small figure curled up on the bed in the normal Tina wear bright pink. I let go of Em's hand and she nodded as I walked towards the bed and my favourite Little. I knelt down and knew that she was aware that someone was sitting on the floor next to her.

"Can you ever forgive me?" I asked and her head shot up surprised. I smiled and did a sad little pout and she pounced on me. Straddled by an eight year old I began to laugh. Tina looked down at me and giggled before wrapping her arms around me.

"Course I forgive you!" she cried into my shoulder unwilling to let go. I rose and stood with her still very much attached to me. Shifting her weight I balanced her on my hip and once certain I wasn't going to put her on the ground she looked up at me.

"So what you didn't like the dollhouse or the castle?" I asked and she giggled shaking her head. "Well what did you want?" I asked and she hugged me more fiercely. "Ahh... well that was an easy remedy now wasn't it?" again a nodded and she leaned into me relaxed and happy.

"You missed my birthday." She accused and I nodded as I started to tickle her. Gasping and giggling she fought to get away from me. "No! No please! It tickles!" she cried joyously. Finally I settled her on her feet holding her hand.

"There's the smile I love." I said holding her chin, "Now I brought some friends with me and well there a little nervous that you and the other kids won't want to play with them." I said looking back at them they had remained near the door uncertain and nervous. Tina looked over at them her eyes wide and she towed me over to them.

Stopping just in front of them she looked at them making that cute little scrunchy face that told me she was thinking hard about something. I did my best not to laugh and waited for her judgement. Suddenly she was no longer holding my hand as she had thrown herself at Emmet. Giggles escaped my mouth the moment she started trying to climb him.

"Told you, play equipment." I said and they laughed as I turned and said the key phrase. "Hey guys they want to play!" I hollered and every little face turned to me and there was a stampede. A few kids grabbed specific people a few of the girls just looked up at Rose nervous. Kneeling down I looked at them, "I think she might just love to play with you guys." I said and they smiled shyly. "What do you say Rose?" I asked and she smiled and knelt down to their level too.

"I would love to." She said and they took her hands and pulled her over to the dollhouse. Rose smiled back at me and I nodded, the worst those three would do is give her a make-over. Looking around I saw Jasper and Emmet being crawled over by a bunch of boys and Alice dressing up a couple of dolls with a few of the older girls and Edward was playing on the mini xylophone with a three year old who kept hitting Edwards hands.

"You were right." Esme said as she came up behind me. "They don't seem to even notice the difference in us." She said and I nodded. Em walked over to me and I realised that she looked dead on her feet.

"You look like the walking dead Ems." I commented in my horrible way of asking if she was okay. She laughed and smiled at me.

"Two babes in tonight and mom doesn't look like she's gonna bother to care of them." Em said rubbing the back of her hand on her forehead. "Doesn't help that this is my ninth night in a row." I cringed not fun.

"I'm sure these two and I can manage the itsy bitsy ones?" I asked knowing it was her call if she wanted the help. "You rest up and try to get everything settled and me the doc and all take the babes for a bit." I suggested mentioning Carlisle's title to make it an easier yes.

"You save me girly." She said kissing the top of my head and leading us to the cribs. The screaming babes looked oh so happy to see us. Joy. "They seem to be quite unhappy to be here." She commented shaking her head, I moved into the room and looked down at them and smiled.

"Ah well there's three of us and only two of them Em. The odds may be in their favour but we'll survive." I said picking up the babe closest to me. With a gentle rock the little girl, judging by the pink seemed startled to be smiled at.

"How do you do that kiddo?" Em asked before leaving us to the babes. I lifted her and smelt her bottom, still clean so probably gassy or just cranky. Esme walked into the room eyes big but unsure.

"They won't bite Esme, poo or pee on you sure but no biting... haven't got the teeth for it yet." I said smiling and handing her over. Esme took the girl and cradled her to her chest. I smiled Esme suited having a baby in her arms. "Now that works. If only she would vomit on you the picture would be perfect." I said and Esme gave me a weird look before gazing down and the bundle in her arms.

"It is a rather large responsibility to care for a baby Ez. Do you do this often?" Carlisle commented his eyes not moving from the child in Esme's arms. I smiled they made great parents.

"Anytime I come into a shelter I try to help out. Often I'm the first to respond to a little ones cry. People trust me not to hurt them cause I have a reputation of getting people or kids out of trouble not in trouble. I didn't sleep much so I helped out anyway I could." I responded picking up another little girl, that or the mother really didn't care what her kids wore.

"Beth? I forgot to tell you, Jane and Andrea." Emily said popping her head back in the room before hurrying off somewhere else. That woman was far too busy.

"Well that answers that huh Andrea?" I said looking down and smiling at the little angel. "So are you going to vomit on me?" I asked making baby noises and she giggled back at me. "I hope that's a no." I replied and Carlisle chuckled. "How about we go out where you can watch the bigger kids play?" I asked and got another giggle looking up at Esme she nodded and we walked back into the main room.

"Their so small." Emmet commented as we walked by. I smiled and stopped.

"Come here Emmet." I said and slowly he moved towards me which meant the kids let go as he went. It was a big rule you don't play with someone near a baby. There was an accident that nearly hurt a baby and I made sure they knew to be safe around them. The boys smiled up at me as I smiled down at them. "Thank you lads! I will make sure that you are rewarded for remembering the rules. Now Emmet you are going to hold Andrea." I said he looked nervously back and forth between me and the baby.

"Oh I don't know Ez..." he said and I laughed.

"The worse that will happen is that she might puke on you. So relax muscle man." I said moving towards the benches and gestured for him to sit. "Okay mirror my arms and I'll lay her down, okay?" I asked and he nodded. Placing her in his arms I stepped back. "Now just think of a wiggly blowing ball and your good." He looked nervous but laughed at the final comment. Andrea gasped at the sound her eyes wide taking in Emmet. He looked at her worried.

"Oh Emm!" Rose cried as she walked over. Her eyes were wide and she looked overjoyed and sad. "She's so beautiful." She said sitting next to him and Andrea looked over at her, her mouth still the perfect 'o' since Emmet laughed. She smiled and giggled holding her hands out to Rose. "Thank you for bring us here Ez. Thank you so much." She said and I blushed smiling.

For the rest of the stay the baby girls switched arms and only vomited on me. I have all the luck, then again I was the one burping them since none of the vampires wanted to risk hitting too hard. The high point of the evening was definitely changing their diapers, the first time I did it as they watched then I made Esme and Rose and Carlisle and Alice do it. It was rather amusing and I took pity on them a few times telling them how to make sure of the fit. Thankfully since they were girls none of the super soaker action. I curled up on the back seat and rested my head on Edward's shoulder smiling but exhausted.


	17. Moving forward

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Seventeen

Moving forward

Looking around the room that had been mine for the passed few months I realised that I was going to miss the blue house. We were moving away from the city, I had arrived in Quincy nearly a year ago I near thought I would stay this long. Quincy Illinois felt exactly like Fern Hill, but it's neat that I can say I have lived there for a year. Homeless, but whatever. It's not like I would say that to anyone outside the family anyway.

"Ready to go bean pole?" Emmet called from the doorway and I rolled my eyes. He had taken to calling me that when he noticed I had started to grow. He first commented that I was talker then the pixy and then proceeded to think of horrible nicknames for me. Bean pole I could deal with some of the others not so much.

"Coming Giganticus." I said without turning to face him. If I was a bean pole then he was a giant Emmet seemed to like the title. We would have to go shopping for me again the clothes we got a few months ago don't fit right anymore. From my puny 4'9" I have grown into a slightly less embarrassing 5'4" I think five inches is nuts but apparently I'm young enough that a growth spurt is to be expected 'when my diet and living conditions improved so drastically.'

Carlisle has been bouncing happy since he noticed the height gain. He says I might grow another 2-3 inches I don't think so but I have learned not to argue with him. Especially when he started changing the topic by saying things like 'do you have any stretch marks?' and 'once you fill out a bit more you should begin ovulating regularly.' Knowing everyone in the house had heard his comments made me want to crawl into a hole and die so I stopped arguing with him the little good it did me.

Emmet being impatient as always picked me up before I had a chance to walk out of my room and ran vampire speed down and out to the cars. He set me down and I frowned up at him, he knows I don't like it when he forcibly moves me. Rose smacked the back of his head and I was appeased and smiled at her as she walked passed us carrying one final box to the truck. I turned back to the house and tried to memorize it, the first and only home since mom.

"Want to sit in the front with me?" Edward asked and I turned to him nodding. It's so weird to be so attached to a house, when I'm going away with the people from it. Jasper gave me a hug and got into the back seat with his wife. Emmet and Rose were taking the truck and Esme and Carlisle were taking their car so there would be less to have to ship over to Eureka, California.

Why a family of vampires would choose to live in California was a little confusing. Well until Jasper told me that it is the north end of California and that it's pretty cloudy. Cloudy has always been standard but on a lark I looked up to see the average for Eureka and well the place averages 188 cloudy days per year. 78 days of sun and 99 partly cloudy. Ah the things that keep vampires up at night got to love the weather channel and annual weather statistics.

"So how long of a drive is it?" I asked hopping into the front seat. The driving time was a day and a half but I was wondering if we were going straight or gonna make longer stops for me to sleep.

"Well its about two days, so I figure we drive to Grand Junction, Colorado find a hotel let you sleep and finish the drive the next day. Unless you would prefer another way?" Edward said turning to me as he pulled the car up to the road and stopped. Sleeping in a bed sounded lovely so I nodded and we were on our way.

****

"I never want to do this again." I complained for the hundredth time. My legs felt shaky as I walked around for the third time in the last 15 hours. Jasper laughed and Alice rolled her eyes only Edward seemed to be distressed at my comment. "I am moving to the back seat and am lying on any one sitting with me tomorrow." My whole body felt stiff and unpleasant. "Thank heavens I went with sleeping in a bed or I may never have been able to walk after this." I said grinning, drat evil empathic manipulating vampires. I pushed him and we both dissolved into giggles as he picked me up and we walked into the hotel.

"It wasn't nearly that bad and stop complaining or you share the bed." He threatened and I began to laugh harder. What a horrible thing to have to share a bed when I already do! I leaned into Jasper as we waited in line with Alice and Edward in front. My eyelids began to droop and I was nearly asleep in Jasper's arms when we got to the front of the line. "Wake-y wake-y!" Jasper called as he bounced me in his arms.

Glaring at him I yawned and stretched, I really wish I would have fallen asleep in the car but I had been to busy looking out the window and talking or listening to everyone. I have never been so thankful that they speed excessively or else we would still be a few hours out of the Grand Junction or whatever. Even stopping for food and such we had made great time.

****

"Comfy?" Edward asked chuckling as I finished arranging Jasper and myself into a comfortable shape to sleep. I rolled my eyes but didn't bother to respond. I planned on falling asleep for a few hours at least today to spare me the stiff pain of sitting for that long.

"Stretched out as she is I can't imagine her not being quite content." Jasper commented and everyone laughed I wacked my pillow lightly but smiled nonetheless. I would miss the view lying like this but I didn't mind after the last few hours of nothingness. My eyes closed and Alice turned the radio up so that it was loud enough for me to hear and yet not overpowering. I smiled my appreciation and let myself just drift in my thoughts.

Esme had told me that the house in Eureka was a newer house, as in like 50 years old instead of a 100. So it was built in the eighties custom designed by Esme herself. It was styled after a classic Mediterranean design though she told me that she had taken out a few of the over the top design features. A beautiful symmetrical front with a beautiful main entrance, lots of windows bigger than the original design. The back of the house was much more open apparently and had much more windows then the front to look out at the forest that the house backed on.

I tried to imagine what Esme had planned for my room. She said that the other rooms had been completed the last time they lived in this house so she could focus her attention on making mine perfect for me. I think she was still upset that I said that there was no point in redecorating my room if we would be leaving soon anyway. To make it up to her I asked her to do my room and surprise me. She has had her head in design magazines for the passed three weeks trying to figure out the perfect set up for me.

Alice and Rose have been her consultants but mostly the three asked me what I liked on and off. They went from showing me a sample or two of fabric every other hour to getting me to show them all the colours of paint I liked. I was told that if I didn't know it was for paint that I might choose the wrong colours and not like it. I rolled my eyes but told them what they wanted to know. Jewel tones are lovely but only for accent walls; Alice told me when I only picked those ones. I then picked shades of blue and darker greens and purples this seemed to satisfy the pixy.

I hope they went for that weird pale blue colour somewhere. I liked it, but wasn't sure if it worked as a wall color. Colors and fabrics don't scare me but putting the whole together just ended up looking weird when I did it. I can pick colours but putting them together in a way that wouldn't annoy me after a few weeks was hard. My moms seemed to have a thing for it so I am more than happy to let them handle that. Esme had wanted a lot of impute until she realised I really didn't know what I wanted.

"Ez?"Jasper said shaking me slightly and I opened my eyes, must have fallen asleep. "Since you missed lunch we decided to stop for dinner." I sat up and looked out the now darkened windows, sweet I had slept for most of the trip... hopefully.

"How much longer?" I asked stretching and getting out of the car as Edward opened the door for me. I smiled my thanks and knew I was blushing.

"A couple hours." He said as we walked up to the restaurant and waited to be seated. I looked around it was a fancy but unspecific place; I wonder what the specialty is. Alice straightened my shirt and played with my hair while we waited the few minutes before we were sat.

"What can I get for you?" she asked and I shrugged looking at the menu, they had the basics but nothing looked really good.

"I say a variety of appies." I suggested and they agreed getting one of everything before I could protest. Evil food wasting vampires, though since I hadn't eaten lunch I could probably eat most of it. "so what did I miss while snoozing?" I asked before sipping on my coke.

"Not much actually." Alice said, "We're still in the middle of no where." I nodded and bored began to shuffle my feet and poke Edward. Random energy and sitting still for too long makes me act like a five year old but whatever.

"Careful wouldn't want to bruise your finger." He chuckled as he began to poke me lightly back. I frowned and stuck my tongue out at him and poked him back. We only stopped when the food began to arrive and I attacked it. They laughed at me but started a conversation around me while I ate.

I didn't manage to eat all of it but most from each plate was gone and I felt way too full. Oh well. Jasper laughed and led me back to the car sending soothing waves at me and my nausea faded. I hugged him and he opened the front passenger's door for me and I got in. He probably wants to sit with his wife verses being my pillow, smart man. Adjusting and turning slightly in the seat I got comfortable and soon we were back on the road.

****

It was nearly 11:30pm when we arrived at the house. It stood beautiful grey in the little moon light that penetrated this deep forest. The typically huge home of the Cullens' but screamed Esme designed. Any other house would have had embellishments that would have destroyed the elegant lines of the structure. Esme had chosen to keep the design simpler and it made it all the more enchanting.

"Finally!" Rose called as she hugged me as I got out of the car. I giggled as she kissed my face over and over. When she did manage to put me down Emmet picked me up in one of his bear hugs and I was giggling even harder.

"Em!" I mumbled trying to get him to set me down. His booming laugh filled the air and I was back on my feet. "Thank you and I missed you two too. But it's only been two days." I said and both of them shrugged silly impatient vampire families. Esme and Carlisle were standing just behind Rose and Emmet and I walked over to them.

"You look like you could use a long bubble bath." Esme said cupping my face in her hands my eyes lit up at that and she giggled softly. "Glad you agree." Carlisle chuckled and hugged me as I moved towards him.

"I know you think it's silly that we missed you but we did. Esme only just managed to finish your room, but the rest of us have been waiting to see you." Carlisle whispered and I remembered that to them I was still new.

"So when do I get to see it?" I asked wondering if the paint was wet or something. Esme smiled and led me into the house.

"As soon as you're finished with your bath." Alice said dancing around the house. I pouted at Esme who only smiled and shook her head no.

"Nope none of that." Esme said leading me to the bathroom; it had beautiful black marble with flicks of white and dark wood panelling against white walls. I stared at it and forgot to keep walking so Esme looked back at me and smiled. "You'll be the first to use the bath." I nodded smiling this is a sweet bathroom. The tub was huge I am pretty sure it's the deepest bathtub ever. "Enjoy." Esme called as she left giving me a gentle kiss before shutting the door.

This is the best way to arrive at a new house. Have a long bubble bath in a huge tub and then go and look in on my new Esme design especially for me room. Spoiled rotten and loving it.


	18. Against the current

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter eighteen

Against the current

I stared at the ceiling of my new and perfect room and tried not to freak out. The day had been perfect I wasn't going to spoil it now by crying over something stupid. My room was blue, each wall a slightly different but complimentary shade. The furniture was all dark wood and lovely, classic and amazing. My huge bed soft and lovely, yet I couldn't be happy and content. Having everything, a perfect room a loving family and I was miserable.

Put me on the streets and I can make any situation into one where I can smile and giggle and be happy. But give me the world and I can't stop frowning. Everyone was so happy to have me after two days of separation and it made me feel loved and wanted. Then this dark spell, it makes no sense. As the minutes passed my mood had gotten darker and darker.

I had excused myself from down stairs in an effort to not worry them. I know it wasn't working, Jasper knew and so they did. One of the crapper times to have an empath in the house. Rolling over on to my stomach I tried to understand what was bothering me, what was it that had me in this funk?

"Can I come in?" Edward asked through my door and I thought about saying no or not saying anything at all.

"Sure." I said flatly and went back to my inspection of the carpet. I hated that I was being so rude and awful to them but I just didn't feel like being nice. He sat down on the bed next to me and said nothing for a while. Since I wouldn't look at him he moved and sat so that his head was right in my line of sight. Continuing to stare at the floor I tried to look passed him and failed.

"You seem to be in a bad mood." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"You are sitting in my room. What a lovely round of the obvious game." I said monotone and hating it. I closed my eyes and tried to understand why I couldn't just be happy and enjoy what was right in front of me. I rolled back on my bed and ended up on my stomach near the wall.

"Ez, what's wrong?" he asked his concern showing in his voice and I tried to push my guilt down. I shrugged and didn't open my eyes. I felt hot and uncomfortable but stayed still and waited for him to leave. Edward stood and I thought he was going to leave when he sat down on the bed again. My eyes fluttered open when the weight shifted. "I'm worried about you. This is such a sudden shift for you. Like when you announced that you were done crying just after you arrived at the house." He said and I closed my eyes thinking about how everyone had responded to that reaction. "Why are you pushing us away?" he asked and I turned my face away from him and pressed it into the comforter trying to hide.

I honestly didn't know why I was being like this; I didn't pick now to be a hateful little cow. Everything in my shouted to stop this and yet I couldn't it was like I had no control over how I was acting. It scared me but I said none of this and didn't move as Edward moved further onto the bed. I realised I was crying when I felt the wet spot under my eyes. He started rubbing circles on my back and I got angry. How dare he! I didn't need his pity! I was fine before all of this; I wasn't like this before they came and changed everything! Screaming wordlessly I flung myself away from him. I stared at him and let my anger show on my face as I pointed to the door.

His face was confused and hurt but he nodded and left the room. As soon as the door was shut I fell to my knees. Tears streamed down my face as I thought of the look of hurt on his face. I hated that I had hurt him but I didn't need to be babied by him. I didn't need any of this crap. As quickly as it came my anger left and I felt empty and sad. There was no reason to scream at him, none at all. They were trying to give me everything that I had been without. It wasn't pity it was love. They loved me, for some reason they all did and I hurt them. I hurt him.

Curling into a ball on the floor I let my guilt consume me. I was a horrible person to do that to someone trying to help me. Trying to understand. I hadn't heard the door open so I was startled when hands picked me up off the floor and held me to a cold stone chest. I began to sob and didn't try to control them as I melted into him. His strong arms held me together as I wept.

****

There was a soft humming as I woke up, trying to remember where I was. Looking up into his eyes I remembered my behaviour earlier and opened my mouth to apologise. He put a finger over my lips hushing me before I spoke. I blinked at him and must have looked confused as he chuckled.

"You were upset and in a foul mood, I don't take your scream to heart." He said and I realised I hadn't actually said anything horrible to him, just acted like a moron and a bitch. Even without understanding why he had forgiven me, I smiled up at him and my guilt doubled.

"I shouldn't have done that." I said moving his finger away from my mouth. He just stared down at me with an unreadable look in his eyes. Confused I traced my hand on the side of his face and his eyes moved from mine to stare at the bedding. "What's wrong?" I asked noticing the sudden shift in him and his inability to look me in the eye now. Had I done something? Did he not want me to touch him?

I let my hand fall and tried to keep the hurt off my face. I had no right to touch him, not in a way so intimate. He must have realised I cared for him more than as a brother or father. That I love him the way my mother did. Sure this was the reason behind his reaction I pulled myself out of his arms and moved away from him.

Then my own thoughts hit me. I love him! Not only do I love him but I'm in love with him! How could I love the man my mother loved, her true love, how could I betray her like that. My guilt and pain increased and increased and soon I couldn't breathe passed it any more. I felt like I was drowning, I didn't flail or make any noise at all as I curled into a small ball and held my knees to my chest. Black spots burst and bloomed in my vision as my lungs burned.

"Ez! Ez breathe!" Jasper commanded me as he shook me hard. My eyes closed but I inhaled deeply coughing and gasping. Even as I took breath after breath the feeling didn't fade and soon the black took over all of my vision. Gasping I clung to Jasper afraid of the sudden darkness and my unrelenting emotions. The world was spinning and I gripped him tighter until he wrapped his arms around me pinning me to his chest.

My heart pounded in my ears and I could almost taste it at the back of my throat. Panic, guilt, fear, love, disgust, and shame battled inside me even though I could feel Jasper sending wave after wave of calm. Jasper started to rock me back and forth singing a lullaby and I curled myself into him further. I couldn't hear right I knew he was singing but the words were distorted it was only the tone of his voice that told me it was him.

There were other high buzzing or low bassy sounds but the only thing distinct was Jaspers middle tones. After a while all the sounds faded until I was alone in the dark. Screaming I tried to find something to hold me to this world. To this perfect family. Finally after a long time I gave in to the hopelessness and despair. It had been a dream a beautiful dream, I had never met the people of my mother's stories they weren't real.


	19. Real or exquisite lie

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter nineteen

Real or exquisite lie

I accepted that I had dreamed a beautiful lie that I would wake and be cradled on Stanley Bridge sleeping over the water like I had so many times before. It was truly a beautiful lie to find a loving family told to me by my mother and for them to save me from a slow death on the streets.

Waiting for the cold to fill me and for my eyes to open and for reality to reclaim me I longed to sleep. To be with this lie forever to never leave it, sick but true. Everyone has to find a place in themselves where they are able to survive the world and its harshness. Why couldn't my place be in my mind with them? It saddened me to think of all the time I wasted with them. It could have been spent doing happy things that would make life easier and harder.

My body was so heavy that I just let myself drift; maybe this was the last dream I would ever have. Could I have jumped and this was the life that passed over my eyes before the end? It was a sweet dream but I longed to see my mother to have her hold me and welcome me to her side. Since I would have jumped that could never be I guess, the worse sin.

I find that overly harsh to kill oneself is an unforgivable sin but to kill others isn't? No wonder I have never had much faith in such religions. Not that I don't have faith I just don't see how the world would be like that. There was something but it was intentions and good will that brought out your nature and so your afterlife. If you harmed others with intention and never regretted your actions then how could you be good? I mean really, it's a stupid system. But I suppose you don't want depressed people killing themselves all the time. Not good to have your followers off themselves regularly if they get too stressed or sad.

Why was I thinking about this crap? Oh yeah I might have jumped. So I'm dead? Okay not likely and if this is the afterlife it bites. I would prefer to not 'be' instead of 'being' in oblivion. I couldn't feel anything, not my own weight, no sight, sound, taste, feel, smell. Nothing true oblivion, nothingness intimidating and oppressing emptiness.

Why had it changed? Why had my beautiful dream become this? I was feeling bad sure but most of the time yelling at people makes you feel bad. Especially when it wasn't their fault and they just wanted to help. Was I here because of what I was feeling then?

"No." Her voice filled me and I gasped. I searched the darkness for her and found nothing.

"Mom?" I called desperate to hear her voice to hear anything but nothing.

"My beautiful little girl." She cooed and I felt her voice wrap around me like a thick blanket and revelled in how close I felt to her.

"Am I dead?" I asked softly.

"No, you just overwhelmed yourself." She answered and I saw her bathed in blackness I saw my mother for the first time in three long years. She was just the same, beautiful but she seemed at ease. There was no stress or worry in her eyes as she gazed lovingly at me.

"I love you." I told her afraid that she would leave and I would never get another chance to tell her. "Thank you for everything and I miss you so much." I finished as she wrapped me in her arms. It felt the same as it did when I was small as if nothing could hurt me while I was in her grasp.

"I know, baby girl. I know. I've always known." She cooed and I felt unimaginable relief at her words. "But now isn't the time for that. You are in love." She said and my heart sunk as I nodded gripping her tightly. "I am so glad you found him." I looked up into her eyes surprised, "I have been hoping he would come to you. I'm not angry at you Ez I am happy. You and Edward should be happy together."

"He doesn't see me that way." I said my voice empty, even with her approval I knew Edward would never choose me. Her laughter filled all the space in my heart and I gazed into her face as I glowed with her laugh.

"No? Then why is he so cautious? Since he arrived is he always at your side when you need him?" she asked and I thought about her words. He was just cautious and there because I am her daughter. She silenced me before I could voice my opinions. "Why then does he smile at you and worry so? If it is only because you are mine then why does he does he tease and play and laugh with you and not so with the others?" she had me there, he always seemed happiest when he was near me and I was happy. I puzzled over whether he felt for me what I felt for him. Then I remembered Jasper's chuckles and amused expressions and Edward glaring at him. Did he feel what I felt? "There now you are being to see."

"Why does this matter? It was only a dream." I asked unsure of myself.

"Was it a dream?" she asked back and I nodded as she began to fade. "But does it matter?" And she was gone and I screamed trying to hold her here with me.

"No please don't leave me here alone. Please!" I called and only silence met my ear. I curled in on myself and gave into the isolation and fear.


	20. Shaking with loss

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter twenty

Shaking with loss

JasperPOV

"You were upset and in a foul mood, I don't take your scream to heart." Edward said as he sat with Ez in his arms. I could feel Ez's overwhelming guilt and let Edward try and calm her before I sent her calming waves.

"I shouldn't have done that." She said and her emotions shifted as she stared up into his face. Edward felt so much love towards her that it was startling at first. _Wow Edward._ Guilt and shame came off him in huge amounts and I was too startled to move. "What's wrong?" Ez asked noticing the sudden shift in Edward concerned she had done something wrong. I moved up the stairs as I felt her emotions change balances and I heard her move away from him. _Edward that was definitely the wrong reaction bro._ I thought desperately as I ran up the stairs sending waves of calm that didn't seem to hit her as guilt and betrayal took her.

When I entered the room Edward was staring at me confused and alarmed by my reading on Ez. She was curling into a ball, I ran to her side Edward was stunned and out of it.

"Ez! Ez breathe!" I demanded shaking her shoulders as hard as I dared. It took a moment but she inhaled deeply which maybe her cough and wheeze. Her eyes opened and she was breathing though each breath was rapid and shallow. Panic filled her and I wrapped her in my arms around her as I sat on the bed. Sending as much calm as I could with my own panic filling me she clung to me as though I was her lifeline. Her emotions were so strong and I was beginning to drown in her unrelenting emotions that seemed much too large for the tiny girl in my arms. Everyone had come in and even as Carlisle inspected her I could only feel panic and worry rising around me.

"I'm going to sedate her if she doesn't slow her breathing soon." Carlisle commented as he reached into his bag and prepared the needle. My eyes rested on Ez as I sorted through the emotions she was feeling trying to understand what was happening to her. Panic, guilt and fear mixed with love and shame and disgust, I was confused at the love but didn't focus on it as I sent her more and more waves of calm. The room calmed but she showed no sign of feeling me.

Since she needed people to speak while she slept maybe that would work now too. I began to sing songs that I knew from when I was a child praying it would do some good for the girl shaking in my arms. Edward had yet to move and stared at Ez fear and worry filling him as it did most of the room. All my calm was doing was making this slightly bearable. Her heart was beating much too fast and finally Carlisle gave her the injection which did less than I wished it to.

"I can't tell what's going to happen." Alice said voicing her fear and concern. I looked at my wife and she came and sat beside me leaning against me. I took the little comfort she could give me thankfully.

"Perhaps she has a choice in it and she hasn't made it yet." Rose said trying desperately to be hopeful her worry making it harder for hope to shine through.

"We will have to wait for her to come around." Carlisle said kneeling in front of the bed. "But if she doesn't wake in a few days we will take her to the hospital." He was worried but confident. I held his confidence and tried to know that Ez would be okay. Fear shot through Ez and I looked down at her, longing and desire were now present in her. This gave me hope and I continued singing to her hoping she could hear my voice.

Hopelessness and despair followed quickly after and my heart broke as I thought we might loose her. It was the acceptance that confused me, she was going to let go? I thought the girl in my arms would fight tooth and claw to live.

****

She was dreaming her emotions began to swirl as though she were peacefully dreaming of happy times. Thankful that her dreams were not the nightmares she has been facing for so long, I smiled up at my family.

"She is dreaming." Edward said for me as I continued my singing to Ez. Everyone calmed though none of the stress left completely from their faces. She means too much to us all for us not to worry about her.

"Good." Esme said sighing as some of her worry dissipated though her eyes never left the sleeping girl in my arms. I was surprised that Edward had not taken her into his own arms yet.

"That is what caused this I will not hurt her to ease my own pain." He said answering my unspoken question. I rolled my eyes yeah cause she doesn't love you as much as you love her. It was your reaction to her that caused this, you backed off when you shouldn't have. "It does not matter she may love me but it is not as I love her. I just want her to be happy."

This is an argument that no one seemed to win. The whole family has been trying to get Edward to just tell Ez that he loves her. He refuses saying that she doesn't love him that way, or that she would be uncomfortable thinking that he loved her that way. I know Ez hasn`t realised that she is in love with him but it's only a matter of time before she does.

"And if the only way she'll be happy is with you?" Rose stated coldly as we all stared at her. She had become a mother figure to Ez but she still wanted her to live her life and have children and grow old. It was surprising to see that she wished Ez happiness whatever form it came in. Edward's mouth opened and closed a few times but nothing came out.

Ez shifted slightly in my arms and a looked down at her wondering if she had woken. Her eyes were still closed tightly but her emotions had shifted again, hopelessness and despair. I sent her waves of love and joy trying to balance out her emotions. The waves of calm had done nothing but this seemed to help her a bit.

"May I?" Edward asked after nearly two hours of silence. I nodded and handed Ez to him hoping he could inspire more of a positive reaction then I had been able to get. Once she was in his arms Alice joined me on the bed and I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist. Ez didn't react to the change of hands and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad.

"The sedative should wear off in an hour or so." Carlisle said and he quickly placed a call to the hospital that there was a family emergency and that he wouldn't be coming in today. None of us could bring ourselves to leave the room let alone the house. It was much as when she first arrived her presence was comforting and needed. In our matched pairs we would wait for her eyes to open or we would find her the care she needed. Edward grimaced at this and I shrugged and kissed my wife.

As still as statues from stress we waited for a movement or a sounded from our sleeping angel. When confusion sparked from her my head wiped to her face as did everyone else's. Her eye fluttered and finally fell open as she looked at us.


	21. Clouded eyes

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; it is the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are mine. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter twenty-one

Clouded Eyes

EzPOV

Staring up into his eyes told me I was dreaming. He looked at me with love, profound and unending. My mother's words echoed through me Did it matter? No it didn't matter in the slightest that this was a dream. I would embrace it as life for as long as it would accept me. I raised my hand and traced the side of his face, this time he leaned into my hand. My heart sped up and I blushed at him suddenly aware that the whole family was in the room with us.

"How are you feeling Ez?" Carlisle asked as I pulled my eyes away from Edward.

"Fine." I said meaning much more than that. "Edward?" I asked not sure if I could ask him this.

"Yes?" he responded as his hand brushed a bit of hair from my face.

"I love you." I whispered and he smiled at me love still in his eyes.

"As I love you." He replied kissing my forehead.

"ABOUT TIME!" Emmet shouted and I giggled at him and the wave of delight I felt at Edward's words. Everyone was smiling at us as I stared up at him. This was truly a beautiful dream. It felt real and I didn't fight it. I know I am unworthy of Edward's love but nothing in me wanted to contest his words. I felt the tension in the room vanish as we all laughed.

I was getting the happily ever after that I wanted so badly.

****

"Love what are you thinking about?" Edward asked and I came back to reality. I was lying in his arms safe and whole.

"I was thinking about Bella." I answered and his face became a mask of emptiness. "When I was out of it earlier she came to me." I said thinking about the dark place I had been in just hours earlier. "She told me that you loved me and that she wanted us to be happy." I finished and he smiled sadly at me.

"I'm glad." He said though his voice was strained. I looked up at him and smiled.

"Edward, why don't you see me as Bella's child?" I asked trying to find a way to ask him this oddly important question.

"You mean why don't I see you as a child, treat you as her child?" he asked and I nodded, "When I first saw you I did, but when I found you in the kitchen that day... You were just like her and yet profoundly different. Her hair and pale complexion and her blush and selflessness all things I loved in her but there was something more. I loved your mother greatly but I learned that I loved her in a different way then I thought. Her scent was intoxicating and her mind was blank to me and that was all that attracted me to her at first. Do not mistake my words I loved your mother as I grew to know her but it was my curiosity first that led me to her."

"With you I fell in love with you as a child, when I saw you in the kitchen that day I felt complete and so very uncertain. I thought you would hate me, that nothing I could do would make you hate me less and it broke my heart. I didn't know that I loved you so until that moment when you said you didn't belong that you were going to leave." His voice cracked then and he leaned down and we kissed softly and chastely. It felt right and complete when his lips were at mine.

"I fell in love with you when I was young too. When my mother told me stories of you, it was you who were my prince, my knight." I whispered and leaned into his arms further. We lay there wrapped in the others arms and were at peace. For the first time in far too long for both of us, we were at peace.

The end


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